He became a life coach. The job was very easy -- all he had to do was write articles using the words 'abundance' and 'manifest,' and keep a steady sun-tan. He wrote a book called 'Manifesting Positive Abundance' and sold the book to twenty three year old actresses everywhere. Now, when young actresses are asked how their careers are going they state "I am currently manifesting positive abundance," whilst struggling to make $5 in tips a night.
Geoff realised how foolproof it was being a life coach. He inspired people by making them believe they could achieve positive outcomes using visualization and belief. And if that didn't work there was always his twelve-step $500 plan, which helps manifest plenty of abundance - even if only for Geoff Fripp himself. When people failed to achieve their dreams-- he told them, "you're being negative! You're not believing in the universe, you won't succeed until you gain abundance." The person responds, "But I believed in the universe and I posted Epicurus quotes on my Facebook wall, I did everything. Now I'm getting tired.""Aha, getting tired," said Geoff. "Tiredness is when you're not on song with the universe. You won't be not tired until you're ready to not be tired and are in alignment with your untiredness."
"Now I'm confused?" said the tired and confused man.
"Confusion indicates your positive vibrations are not active. You are not vibrating," explained the Life Coach. The tired and confused man, feeling confused and tired, played it safe and enrolled in a discounted online seminar for "Vibrating And Shaking Positively," but soon realised he'd joined an online support group for Parkinsons Disease.
Geoff had come a long way. It was amazing how a man who, up until a year ago worked as a repair man for a supermarket, could know so much about the laws of the universe. Despite often struggling to fix the faulty sink in his old job, his new career was easy. His YouTube video of the Earth spinning around, overlapped with Martin Luther King quotes had garnered him eight million hits and four million dollars in advertising revenue.
It turns out, after all, that all of the life coaches/positive thinkers/law of attraction people/makers of The Secret were right: You can attract abundance - and you do it by being a life coach and selling books about the law of attraction.Kid In The Front Row GOOD KARMA THOUGHT VIBRATIONS are now on sale. For the small fee of $5 I will think positively about you. This will manifest endless joy and abundance (just not for you).
Very funny. I liked this one a lot.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very funny and insightful piece. Glad someone said it!
ReplyDeleteseminar for "Vibrating And Shaking Positively," but soon realised he'd joined an online support group for Parkinsons Disease.
ReplyDelete...That line made me laugh so hard.
hahahah! very funny.
ReplyDeleteI do believe in manifesting abundance and positivity though, I've done it for myself for free in my own life :-)--mostly it has to do with being generous and kind to people and encouraging people to be their best. The more I offer myself to other people the more they want to help me. I do notice that when you put positivity out there in your energy and attitude, people respond in kind.
I think a lot of people saw "The Secret" and thought it was some "magical" thing, that if you think it, it will appear...there's a lot of hard work in between that got left out of all those manifesting videos/books etc...
thanks for the laugh!
Lisa
Solenne, thanks for your post. This post wasn't discrediting positivity or it's effects (about half of my posts are about the effects of being positive, etc) - this is really about people who preach it for a living, raking it in from the big-cash-cow that is the law of attraction, that concerns me!
ReplyDeleteDelicious! I must try this, or start a religion..
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether to laugh or cry, reading this post. So damn spot on. As you said, there's nothing wrong with being positive or enjoying attracting good things into your life...it's just that a lot of people who sell it to us are raking in huge amounts of money.
ReplyDeleteThe part that hurts is when we lose our friends or watch our loved ones lose all their money to it...which is what I'm watching happen to one of my friends right now. She's involved in a sort of cult that preaches the law of attraction and it's a total pyramid scheme...and she's doing her damndest to convert me.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Phoenix; I feel maybe there is more you want to say about that situation, it could be an important learning for all of us. Feel free to share more..
ReplyDeleteI think you stop by my blog every once in a while so you'll notice that the last couple posts have mentioned how stressful things are getting in my life right now. Well, one of those things is this friendship, because this "cult," (ugh, I hate using that word but I don't know how else to phrase it) has taken over her entire life - and my friend is determined to coerce me into signing up for these programs that teach the power of self - and the first "level" costs $500 (not including airfare to Utah and hotel costs), the second "level" costs $1500 and the third "level" costs $1800. She even offered to help me pay for some of it if it would just get me into this weekend long program, when she has no money left (this place has drained all her finances) and she's living at home with her newborn baby and husband.
ReplyDeleteI won't say the name of the group on here - but everyone who comes back from the retreat (yes, retreat - you are cut off from your friends and family back home, asked to not use your cellphone all weekend, and are apparently sleep deprived for most of the weekend) says they can't talk about it, you just have to magically discover it for yourself, it'll change your life and fix everything about you. In one weekend? Um, I'm a believer in having a positive outlook...but I somehow doubt that.
I did some research on the internet and found out the founders of this organization have been cited for fraud in other states...meanwhile my friend is calling, hysterical, up to six times a day, begging me to do this, demanding to know why I won't, getting defensive when I say I want to do a little research first. "You're going to trust some strangers before you trust me?" she cried over the phone...and I would have given in right then and there except on one of the cult red-flag websites it noted that this particular sect is known for teaching people to recruit their friends and family - and then playing the "trust" card if the people are hesitant.
Bingo.
So there's the gory details... I'm not sure what to do but I might have just lost a friend.
Sigh.
Kid, definitely, I knew you weren't knocking the basic concept of it (which is sound) but more the smarmy people who take advantage of that!
ReplyDeleteI'm also watching a friend get wrapped up in a type of group right now that is obsessed with these concepts..she's all of a sudden decided all her former friends are "trying to hold her down" and speaks to no one anymore...apparently we are all "toxic" and not positive LOL
sad thing, and yes, sad that people lose their money to it!! Isn't a real life coach supposed to empower you so that you can be making your own money and feeling great in your life too? That's always been my definition of a good teacher/healer/coach...
I think with any
haha brilliant!
ReplyDelete