Occasionally in the film industry it is possible to do a movie but most of the time you just do a coffee. "I want to make a film," you say to the guy who you think can help you make a film. "Great," he responds, "Let's do coffee."
So you go to the place where they have the coffee, and he asks you about your idea.
"I want to make a film about two people who fall in love. There's a scene at the funfair, and one of the characters has a moustache," you explain.
The guy who you think can help you make a film then talks in what can only be described as a complete pile of cockshit. "Wow, yeah, that reminds me of a project I was developing a few years ago. I think it is definitely something we could do and it would have shades of Godard and the undercurrent of a Hitchcock film." You nod, confusedly, and tell him not to forget the funfair.
"Exactly," he adds, as he sips his Grande Latte De La L'Fromage Bullshittio. "The funfair is almost like a character. A metaphor for the Facebook generation."
"And the main character will have a moustache, light brown," you add.
At this point; no movie is getting made, but another coffee is being ordered. The guy who you think can help you make a film then talks about the projects that he has in various stages of non-production, and then gets all excited like a little girl and says, "I've found the greatest make-up artist, she's an angel, you should meet her."
"I'll get her in for a movie," you say hopelessly.
"Definitely, get her in for a coffee," he adds, as he updates his twitter feed, "@filmbullshittio is in a #meeting 4 a project, productive!! lolzz."
The meeting ends. The guy who you think can help you make a film leaves the Starbucks and heads for an important meeting across the road at Caffè Nero.
Haha! This is fabulous. What would you say the movie to coffee ratio is? 1000:1? 246:3? 25:2?
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