A trait of a creative person is to feel stressed when you're not being creative, to feel like a fake when three months have gone by without being productive, or to feel worthless to have not been recognized by an audience or by someone giving you a large cheque.
Rather than feel worthless, and alone - remember that you're feeling exactly how you're meant to be feeling. This is an industry where you dive onto facebook to announce every little bit of career news and where you hide every time someone criticizes your choices because--- that is what it is, to be creative. We need recognition, we need the world to see our skills and ideas and talents otherwise we'd screen our movies in empty fields and send our audition tapes to be watched by wild animals, and we want to cry and go mental with rage when people criticize or disregard us, because it makes our identities feel fraudulent-- like 'how can I really be a director when everyone says my movie is awful?'
Whatever is stressing you out regarding your film work is not because you're not any good but because you ARE good, and because you have high standards, and because you're on a long journey of self-discovery and artistic-discovery. You're meant to feel like shit when no-one laughs at your comedy movie or when someone makes you feel like a waste of space actor when they ask 'have I seen you in anything?' and you know they haven't.
The down, depressing and agonizing feelings you feel are a sign that you ARE creative, that you ARE on the right track; so why do we always let these feelings make us feel like we're wasting our time?
This is a long journey we're on. All of the ways you're feeling anxious, insecure and lacking in talent; they are a symptom of creativity; they are as important a part of your identity as your writing, directing, acting, drawing, etc. You don't have to feel like shit everytime you feel like shit. Maybe, just maybe, it's possible to realize: you are meant to feel this bad and it's okay if you feel lost, confused, down, misunderstood. That's what it takes. To be creative, to achieve anything, is to create, provide and produce something new into society that doesn't exist yet. Until you 'make it,' the brilliant you exists only in your head. If you're going to be a top director or a unique actor, that means you're something that has not been seen or accepted yet. Until that happens -- people won't fully get you. So don't feel bad, it's part of the process of doing what you do.
Oh Kid, who are you trying to convince? Yourself?
ReplyDeleteI've got horribly distracted by bloggin' & tweetin', & am away all next week, & that's what's making me stressed. Not enough time @ the desk with Final Draft open.
I hope some nice things are happening for you. And that one of them is listening to your characters.
I laughed out loud as I read that first paragraph because it pretty much summed up how I feel everyday! Great post, Kid. Thanks for the encouraging words.
ReplyDeleteHate it when others inadvertently put you down, too. Such as comments that make you feel as though what you're doing is the "wrong" thing or that you're not "good enough". I felt like that last night. But I told myself that no, fuck that, I'm doing what I want to do and I'm working bloody hard to work my way up a long ladder, and I ain't stoppin' to let anyone pull me down!
ReplyDeleteLove this. I totally need it right now, too.
ReplyDeleteSo very true. I often feel like I am not being creative enough, then I look at my Facebook page and realize, "wow, how on earth did I find time to do all of this?" But, the part of me that struggles most is trying to make a living off what I love doing, and that is making art - whether it be painting, drawing, or photographing. It's a struggle everyday, but let's keep ourselves inspired and we'll make it!
ReplyDeleteWell said. New Orleans Real Estate
ReplyDeleteKid, I sure hope you're right.
ReplyDeleteIt's at least nice to know we;re not alone :)