A MINUTE LATE For DUE DATE

Date: Tuesday 30th December 2010
Operation name: DUE DATE
Task: Get into seat, in cinema, before movie begins.
Cinema: Cineworld Shaftsbury Avenue (near Picadilly Circus Station)
Film start time: 2:00pm (advertised) 2.20pm (when it really starts)

Incident Report:

14.10pm: KITFR (Kid In The Front Row) arrives on tube train at HOLBORN station, using the Central Line. Considers changing onto the Picadilly Line and going directing to Picadilly Circus Station. However, the train changing time and possible delays leads KITFR, who has much experience in film-start-time-based-train-changing, decides to stay on Central Line until the next stop TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD.

14.13pm: Train in tunnel, somewhere between HOLBORN and TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD.

14.16pm: Train not moving. Driver announces something to the passengers. KITFR removes headphones and asks lady next to him "What did he say?" She responds with "Yes." KITFR says "No, the driver." The lady says "okay."

14.17pm: The train moves.

14.17pm: The Train stops.

14.18pm: The train moves.

14.19pm: The Train arrives at TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD station. KITFR predicts that the film DUE DATE will be starting in One Minute. KITFR almost flips out and goes insane at idea of missing beginning of movie, but becomes suddenly inspired when his iPhone's music shuffle brings on Bob Dylan's SHELTER FROM THE STORM.

14.20pm: KITFR moves swiftly out of station, realizing it takes about ten minutes to walk from TOTTENHAM COURT ROAD to the CINEWORLD SHAFTSBURY AVENUE.

14.21pm: KITFR is running. He is abruptly brought to a stop by a large swarm of protesters and police, who are argiung or doing something. KITFR barges his way through, refusing to be a part of the bullshit. It's difficult to get through. In a moment of pure anger and madness, without realizing he did it, KITFR pushes a police officer aside in an aggressive manner and says "fucking hell" under his breath. The policeman looks at him, surprised.

14.21pm: KITFR happens to notice the policeman's badge, which says "Community Support Officer", which is code for "No Authority." KITFR continues on his way.

14.22pm: KITFR sprints across Leicester Square, determined to make the film on time. Unfortunately the London snow has turned to ice. This means slippery conditions but fortunately KITFR has vast experience with threatening weather circumstances so is able to deal with it appropriately.

14.23pm: KITFR is helped up from the ground by a small seven year old whose Mother watches on proudly. She condescendingly says "Awww, did you hurt yourself sweetie?" KITFR can't believe he's being talked to like that by a seven year old.

14.25pm: KITFR arrives at the cinema. There's a line. There's seven people in the line. They're all Norwegian. They're all one family. They don't know what they're doing. But they're smiling, which makes KITFR consider violence.

14.26pm: KITFR arrives at front of line. Beautiful Norwegian girl turns back as she leaves and asks the cashier something dumb. KITFR considers smashing up a cardboard cut out of Harry Potter's pathetic face.

14.27pm: KITFR says to the Cashier Girl "Have I missed any of DUE DATE?" The Cashier fiddles with a bar of chocolate that sits next to her computer mouse.

14.28pm: She eats the chocolate. Then she says "It's just starting, it's okay." KITFR is relieved. Life is finally okay! The Cashier girl says "It's in screen 4. On the top floor." KITFR snatches the ticket out of her hand and sends her negative vibes.

14.29pm: KITFR realizes he needs to pee. KITFR pees. Due to extreme circumstances, he decides on a no-wash.

14.30pm: KITFR arrives in the cinema. A lady who is the opposite of underweight glances at him like he's evil for walking in after the start. KITFR agrees. He takes a seat near the front.

14.30pm: Robert Downey Jr is on the screen, sitting in an airplane. It's apparent that the film has begun. KITFR considers going ABSOLUTELY CRAZY, but suddenly gets caught up in Robert Downey Jr's hilariousness and Lawrence Sher's beautiful photography.

Conclusion: DUE DATE is great fun, very easy to watch, very funny, and beautifully shot. If anyone sees the KITFR, the Community Support Police Service would like a brief word.