I've been exhausted for days. It keeps getting to 3am and I'm still awake. And the days keep getting busier.
Today was meant to be an early night. But I lay down and the tiredness of the day forgets itself and instead I think about ideas and projects and the world and whatever else comes along. It surprises me every time, but it really shouldn't, because it's so common for me.
I was never a sleeper. It's just a whole lot of lying down in the dark waiting for the day to start. But why am I like this? Is it linked to my creativity? Definitely. But why dont I sleep? Is it just a bad habit from childhood?
Is my creativity the result of a bad habit? Writers and artists of all disciplines like the ego boost of thinking they have a higher purpose or a gift from God, but maybe it is the result of a bad habit, or a knock to the head, or something equally mundane. Why do some people have a bad day and want to write a poem, whereas others have a bad day and want to buy a chocolate bar? We always have meaningful answers but why should it be meaningful?
As a kid I hated the dark. Didn't trust it. Even now I pull myself out of falling to sleep. But what if I dealt with my sleep issues when I was seven and became an avid sleeper. Would all the scripts and articles and blogs I've written at 2am still exist? Sometimes I conceive of entire projects in a night.
Was it written in the stars that I'd create my work while everyone is busy sleeping, or is it just a fluke?
But I'm tired, I wish I was asleep now. So often I can be so certain I need sleep, and then I almost feel anger as an idea appears in my mind at 4.09am, because I know the chance for rest is slipping away.
---- I've re-read everything above, and an ending to this post isn't coming. It's my late night muse shutting up shop, It's done for the night. The part of my brain that knows when I've done a good job knows that the work isn't done, but the part of my brain that fed me the 'blog about sleep' idea has gone silent. And that's creativity, a semi-formed idea at 1.28am on a Thursday morning.
I hear you. I do most of my best work and I'm most creative late at night when I can't sleep. I don't know what it is either. For some reason my mind just focuses better when I am tired.
ReplyDeleteI've had many-a-night like that. For me sometimes it comes down to not being able to sleep because my brain won't stop thinking about something...and if I write about it, I "get it out" and am able to stop my brain from obsessing and can finally get some rest.
ReplyDeleteTake faith sir - You aren't alone.
No lack of faith here Hatter, was just a post about my curiosity about it, just a fascinating thing to me!
ReplyDeleteUsually I get the best ideas for writing when I'm just about to fall asleep and if I don't get up and write it down it goes away and it never comes back. Even if I still remember the idea the next day I'm never able to put it on the paper the same way I would if I would get up in the night.
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time sleeping at night because there are things i want to do, and im one of those people that after a bad day, i buy chocolate and it it while i write a poem, i guess it just depends on how everyone handles things on there own.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone questions where creativity comes from, and tries to judge it from there. It if comes from a bad habit, it must be bad. If it comes from years of discipline, it must be good. But creativity itself is a neutral thing - it is the fumbling of our innocence, trying to make sense out of the world - and it is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.
ReplyDeleteSome people do drugs and paint amazing pictures. Some people do drugs and kill each other. The fact that creativity springs up at all, out of anything - is worth celebrating in my book. :)
I completely know where your coming from. My old flatmate and I would stay up all night working on our talents. The creative energy seems to flow so well in the evening, I don't understand why.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I love your blog! The pieces are always filled to the brim with such charm, charisma and creativity! They have inspired me to reach for my goals and work harder to become who I aspire to be. Your blog is remarkable.
Thoughts + silence = Night thinking
ReplyDeleteTrue about the brain not turning of thoses thoughts...thoughts can be at there most loudest at night. Find ways to turn of the silence not so easy to turn of the thoughts....