I was standing by the window for about thirty minutes earlier tonight, just staring out at a star in the night time sky. A pretty great achievement, considering you rarely see stars in London and rarely focus on anything for more than nine seconds without checking your phone.
But there I was, captivated by a star in the sky and wondering why I'm not in this state more often. I'm not even sure it was a star, I kept thinking it must be an aircraft of some kind -- but it stayed awfully still, for awfully long, so maybe it was a star.
I remembered being a kid. Being six years old and staring up at the stars. Nothing changes. It's the same experience. The same view. It was a moment of peace -- probably because I've actually done quite well, and achieved a heap of stuff in recent weeks. I allowed myself off the hook. When you're underachieving you check your email and Facebook every four seconds in the hope someone will tell you you're doing something interesting with your life. A good week or two, full of creativity and the shaping of new projects -- and I feel a little more complete. Felt I had permission to stare at the stars on a Saturday night without convincing myself I'm a hack.
It's weird when you allow yourself to stare up at the sky and engage in what the universe is offering. The sky is so much more fascinating than the Facebook login screen, yet gets much less of my time. As I fixated my attention on the skies above, the thought hit me -- we don't go on forever. This is short. This is the only time I'll be this age. I don't want to look back in ten years to find that all I did was update my Twitter continuously and delete spam mail from LinkedIn. Life can be a lot more.
I had a direct line tonight to me as a six year old. We're the same -- there's the same through line, the essence, the feeling -- the notion of what it is to be me, to be alive, to be full of possibility. When you truly give yourself over to a moment with nature; you realise it's just you and the elements, it's existing and being. The relationship problems and the work issues and the bodily aches and pains all fade away -- you're left with you and the stars. It was everything at six years old and somehow you lose your way.
It felt like a gift. A peaceful, private moment -- witnessing the world again. A treat given to me merely because I've put some work in recently. It's impossible to be at peace when you're mad at yourself for not doing your creative work. At least, that's how it is for me. And by the time Monday comes around that will probably be me again.
But for a short time tonight, the world had a bit of magic to it. Life was more than buildings, problems and disagreements, and anything was possible.
Amen.
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