Miley Cyrus - What Have They Done To My Song, Ma?

Are Miley's nipples showing? Is she not wearing a bra? Has she had surgery? Is she marrying that guy? Has she dumped that guy? Is she going out for groceries? Or jogging? Did she tweet? Is she not tweeting? Has she cut her hair? Has she grown it again? Has she lost her mind?

Or maybe we could focus on her talent. Because, believe it or not, Miley Cyrus can sing.

Once upon a time, I was ten. My parents would be sitting on the sofa, watching TV. I was in the corner, with the big giant headphones on; listening to my parents records. I would listen to EVERYTHING. I got to know every inch of every song.

Mum and Dad had this 4 disc CD set (in fact, they still have it), called 'Sounds of the 70's'. Disc one, track ten, was Melanie - What Have They Done To My Song, Ma?

I'm pretty sure my parents never really liked the song.

But I would always put it on mix tapes, force it on everyone. It was so simple -- a woman sitting there saying, 'what have they done to my song? It's the only thing I could do half right, and it's turning out all wrong, Ma'. Maybe this was the first time it crossed my mind that people interfere with music, that a lot stands in the way of an artist putting out their work. Maybe that song is at least partly responsible for me being obsessed with auteurs, artists and independent film. Or maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, I've not heard the song in years. And then I came across the Miley Cyrus version. When Miley covers a great song, I listen. Although we live in different worlds, and have, I would imagine, very little in common, it wouldn't surprise me if she was also a kid with the headphones on, listening to her parent's records. After all, her Dad is Billy Ray Cyrus.

I remember hearing her cover of 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn' a few years back. And felt the same thing then, she NAILED IT. 'Every Rose...' was another of those songs that I spent countless nights listening to. That wasn't my parents doing -- by the time I was listening to Poison, I was on my own music-journey, and 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn' was one of the big players when I was a teenager.

Miley Cyrus doesn't get to be just Miley Cyrus. She has to go to the circus. Weird men follow her every move, snapping pictures. Every time she has an outburst on Twitter or shows an inch too much of her legs at a concert, it's headline news. It's not hard to see why so many stars go insane.

Luckily, when you hear her sing the way she does, you realise that her feet are still on the ground. Have you heard her beautiful version of 'You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go'? Her voice soars -- an amazing country music inflection; it's close to magic.

I love cover versions when they're done well. For Miley Cyrus to pluck 'What Have They Done To My Song, Ma?' out of nowhere, it must mean something to her. I can't stop watching and listening to this performance -- she's so into it. Isn't it the greatest thing when you witness someone truly loving a song? Especially when they're the one performing it. Wonderful.

For the briefest moment, when listening to this song. You remember she's just a young girl -- making her way in the world. And what is she? She's a singer. A singer who wants to sing.

"Look what they've done to my song, Ma. 

Look what they've done to my song.

It's the only thing I could do half right,

And it's turning out all wrong, Ma."

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Thoughts on Recent Cinema Releases

'Untouchable' is the best film I've seen this year.

And how great is Emma Watson in 'The Perks Of Being A Wallflower'? It's one of those films that you think is going to be just another teen high school movie, but it ends up being so much more. 

'Liberal Arts' is immensely watchable. Probably because Richard Jenkins is in it. Does that guy ever do bad work? 'Killing Them Softly' is probably his least interesting role in ages, but Brad Pitt? He OWNED that movie. And it's great seeing Scoot McNairy getting such interesting roles. Look at how far he's come since 'In Search of a Midnight Kiss'. 

'The Perks of being a Wallflower' really sticks with you. For the most part, it's only pretty good, but the ending is masterful. How to describe the movie? I think if you mash together 'Starter For Ten', 'Adventureland' and 'High Fidelity', you'd get an idea of what this movie is.

It has great insight. That's what separates the great movies from the average. 'Ruby Sparks' is a fun concept, but that's all it is, a concept. There are some laughs, purely because of the situation (a writer's invention comes to life), but nothing resonates with you.

Yet every moment of 'Untouchable' rings true. The great thing about French films is that they're really films -- they tell a story that's dictated by the story; and not by the genre or by some toy that the film studio wants to sell. 'Untouchable' is hilarious, it's uplifting and it's liberating, but it's also painful and upsetting. You'll love it from the opening sequence.

'Killing Them Softly' was a good movie, some great moments-- but it was so obvious about its intentions. Nearly every scene had a TV in the background with an Obama or Bush speech talking about messed up the economy is. That was how the director pushed his theme on us. But 'Untouchable'? It just told the story. One character was rich, white and disabled, the other black and poor--- yet it didn't spell it out. It went for a more subtle approach. It's great when a movie doesn't treat its audience like a four year old.

'Liberal Arts' was a great watch. Nothing out of the ordinary, it's just one of those 'Garden State' movies; a few white people fall in and out of love with a cool soundtrack over the top. But it had the needed ingredient: insight. The film is immensely inviting. You don't want it to end because you're having such a blast hanging out with Josh Radnor, Elizabeth Olsen and Zac Efron.

Zac Efron is hilarious in this movie. 

And we need to talk more about Emma Watson. It's not easy to be a great actor after being known for such a huge franchise. And honestly, she proved me wrong-- she's got talent. I saw 'My Week With Marilyn' and thought she would be forever reduced to bit parts, but now I want to see her in everything.

But I want to see her do interesting stuff, the indie films. Don't just put her in a Twilight reboot.

As for 'Ruby Sparks', the trailer is enough. A funny concept, ha ha, but spend your hard earned cash watching something else.

But I must say I've become a big fan of Chris Messina. Funny how opinions change. I used to find his performances lacklustre, but now I enjoy everything he's in. He's worked with Nora Ephron, worked with Woody Allen, and did you see 'The Giant Mechanical Man'? A must-watch film for anyone who is a romantic but close to losing heart. 

My favourite moment in 'To Rome with Love' is when we first see Woody's character. Allen hasn't been on the screen since 2006's 'Scoop'. But no-one saw that, so you could say he has hardly been on screen since the turn of the millennium.

But his intro in this movie--- we hear him talking, moaning about the flight (he's on a plane), but we don't yet see him. The camera gentle rolls past each row until, finally, it reveals little Woody Allen--- it's like the reveal of a superhero. But instead of Spiderman...

..We get Woody Allen. And I loved it! He's hilarious in this movie, but perhaps only if you're a fan. The dialogue is so throwaway that half the audience don't know he's joking --- while the other half laugh more than they have in years.

Is Woody's recent output as good as the glory years? No, but there's still gold in there. Woody is like an old relative that everyone in the family loves--- he's not as lively as he once was but you still cherish him. 

I guess I should see 'Taken 2' and 'Paranormal Activity 4', but why? We already know what happens. What I love about movies is that a whole new world gets invented. But sequels are just made to sell some tickets. Liam Neeson kicks some ass again -- do I really need to give up two hours to witness it?

I can't bring myself to see 'On The Road'. I love the book too much. Usually I'd give it a go, but not this one --- the version of 'On The Road' that I read, which lives in my heart, is too precious to me to be influenced by a movie version. Don't get me wrong, I'm massively tempted! I just can't do it.

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It's Only In My Head

I'm free associating. Getting the junk out. What junk? So much junk. Maybe by writing I'll find clarity. That happens sometimes, right? Actually, it's happened to me many times. But it's also happened that I've written heaps and heaps and then nothing, nada, no good.

The thing for a writer is that you're convinced you must create anew because everything that came before sucked.

And this was meant to be free association, but now I'm rambling about writing.

What else do you want me to talk about? The imaginary you, that I picture reading this, would say, "anything but writing; go have an insight about elephants, or the moon, or triangles, you can't keep writing about writing you big fraud."

Not that a writer can ever be a fraud. If I write something and you read it, I'm a writer. But with so much dedication to writing, your brain becomes conditioned to focus on writing.

And reading about writing.
And writing about reading.
And reading about reading.
And writing about writing.

It needs life in it.
 
So do I just go chasing after some girl I hardly know because that's where the life is at? How do I make it about the life, and not the writing? And is there any difference? Sometimes I wish I was a beat poet from the 50's; out there on the streets just taking in all that happened under the big dark night and turning out pages with fervour.

Writing gets prioritised above everything else. But that's the Catch 22; you can't have good writing without life, and you can't have a good life when you're constantly writing. 

It takes so long to get great, you need to be practising every chance you get. Everyone is outside looking up at the buildings and you're inside, never leaving them.

But sometimes you feel you're getting dead inside. You feel like you've written out every part of you a thousand times over.

But we evolve and change and grow and rust; there's always something new to dig in to.

But how soon do you dig? Do you dig the moment you feel it, or do you let it grow? Wouldn't it be great to have an experience and not write about it until 50 years have gone by? Unfortunately, the moment I feel some thing of novelty or uniqueness, I throw it down on the page --- a script, a story, a tweet, a blog!

Sometimes I dream of living just to live, without the writing. And I realise how narcissistic this sounds to non-writers. But I am how I am and what can I do about it?

Maybe take writing less seriously.

Most of the time I do. The majority of my writing is silliness and jokes.

Ignore what I just said, because comedy is the thing I take the most serious of all. Getting comedy right is so difficult and such a craft. When I or anyone else nails it, it's amazing. That's why most of the time when you read a funny story or go see a comedy at the cinema, you don't laugh -- because it's so hard to do properly.

My brain says "you must write" and "you must stop writing" at exactly the same time. It makes me reach for the distractions, the addictions; thank God my addictions are caffeine and the internet. They're the most lovely and acceptable ways to rot your brain.

I will write a masterpiece, one of these days. Either that or I'll never write anything of interest to anyone.

Ain't that what sits in every writer's head at the back of everything?

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30 Tips to Help You Make Your First Zero-Budget Short Film

1. Don't say it's unpaid. Say it's a collaboration. And don't just say it, mean it. You're collaborating together to create a piece of art out of whatever means you have.

2. Think of every single place you know that you have access to that could be a location. Think about this before the script stage. Your cousin is an office manager? Your Uncle owns a taxi? Your ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend lives in a mansion? Utilise these locations in your script/film.

3. Find creative people who will get something out of your project. Your friend is an artist? Ask if she wants to design DVD covers. Your Brother wants to be a singer? Get him to sing a song about the movie and post it on YouTube to promote the project. 

4. Related to the point above -- don't do it all yourself. Part of doing a zero-budget film is that you do need to do a lot of it yourself; but delegate! Find other creative people who want to get involved. 

5. Be confident. It's your piece of art. It doesn't have to be a masterpiece, and you don't need to be intimidated by anyone -- this is your chance to create something personal.

6. Create something personal. Write from the heart. 

7. Write to your budget. No explosions, no car chases, no burning down buildings. 

8. If you know people who can stage explosions, car chases and buildings burning down, then by all means use them if it'll help your story (but don't break any laws and don't kill any people, not even actors).

9. Don't be afraid of actors just because it's your first movie. They need the roles, otherwise they wouldn't do it! And most of them -- some of them -- are very friendly people. 

10. Cast interesting and intriguing actors. There's only so much time in a short film to tell a story; so tell some of the story through the interesting faces you present on screen. 

11. Don't hire heaps of lights and things with cables and buttons that you don't understand. Focus on telling a story. 

12. Shoot without permission. Tell people you're students, tell people you're just taking a picture, tell people you're not filming-just-pretending-to. Or my old favourite, you say, "We are thinking about doing a film so we're just coming here to test out the light and see if it's workable". 

For some reason, people will stop you from filming but they won't stop you from filming-to-see-if-it's-the-right-place-to-film. This really works!

13. Don't spend all day getting every single angle conceivable. Think about the story you're telling -- storyboard if it helps you --- think about shooting scenes creatively in ways that support your vision, rather than covering absolutely everything ten times over. 

14. Get a few takes and then move on. 

15. Start early. Don't feel bad about it. Everyone wants to make a movie so get them up early and crack on. 

16. If on day two, your actor has quit -- don't keep ringing them up, demanding they return. At the level you're at --- justified or not-- actors will go for paid work instead, or they'll think you're amateur, or they'll be lazy and stay home. Y'know what? It's happened to everyone, find a way to keep telling your story. 

17. It's not just actors. It could be anyone. If it's YOUR MOVIE, it's going to mean more to you than the others -- so you gotta do whatever you gotta do to make it happen. 

18. If someone is working exceptionally hard to help you with YOUR VISION; then treat them to something. A chocolate bar. A bunch of flowers. A new house. Whatever you can afford. These people are extremely rare. 

19. Find lovely people to work with. 

20. Don't get stressed. 

Okay, you will get stressed. But don't drag it on for hours. 

Maybe the sound guy was late. Maybe the camera is broken. Maybe the building exploded at the wrong moment. 

But what are you going to do? Moaning and stressing doesn't bring a solution. You need to focus on finding solutions to problems as they arise. 

Sometimes we get caught up in rehashing the same old problems. Telling each person, one-by-one, oh how badly we were let down by someone or something -- but it solves nothing! Be a pro. Move on. 

21. Don't have friends on set just to have friends on set. They'll get in the way. 

22. If you have friends helping you out on the crew --- then you need to be very careful about which friends you choose. 

Explain to them exactly what they'll be doing, and let them know precisely how boring it will be. Everyone loves the idea of working on a movie, but after three days in which they've done nothing but hold a boom pole, they get bored. And then that darn pole keeps dipping into the shot.

You need people who are committed. 

23. If you have scenes where characters are eating food -- build your lunch breaks around it, so that the actors are working and eating. It saves time and money. Don't tell the actors you're doing this, they'll get grumpy. 

24. Feed everyone well -- but keep it cheap. Try make it hot if you can. Everyone likes Pasta. 

25. Do not fall in love with cast members or crew members, because if they fall in love with someone else during the production, your whole brain goes funny and your feet keep forgetting where the floor is. 

This is not a good state of mind for a director. 

26. Give praise! These people are giving their time for nothing; working as hard as they can -- and they're just as insecure as you are. Giving them specific and honest praise will help them, and the set will become rather pleasant and productive-- which is what you want, right? 

27. Ignore the temptation to say, "Well we're not far behind --- how about if we wrap now and pick up the rest when we finish tomorrow?"

That's a bad idea. Do it now. Ignore the tiredness. 

28. Ignore the tiredness -- you're making a movie! Have some caffeine and go go go make it happen --- yawn when no-one is looking--- then go go go again. 

29. Tell people every four minutes that the lights are hot; because they keep forgetting and keep burning their hands. We don't know why they do that but they do. 

30. Enjoy it. You're MAKING A FILM!!!!


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HEAVY GIRLS (Dicke Mädchen) / BODY COMPLETE / Tea and Apple Pie in Covent Garden - Raindance Film Festival 2012

Myself and Pete, or Pete and I, or however you're meant to say it, or rather, write it; headed down to the Apollo Cinema in Piccadilly Circus this afternoon for the final few films of Raindance.

We picked a German movie, called 'Heavy Girls', and it might just happen to be my favourite film in quite a fair long while. It's not a film I can review in a traditional sense, as my reviewer-faculties completely shut down while I watched it because I was drawn right into its world, there was no space for any other thoughts. The actors, and the characters they portrayed, were wonderful. The whole audience was caught up in what was happening on screen.

'Heavy Girls' is a feature film made for €500. It was shot in the style of a Danish Dogme film, or one of those Andrew Bujalski movies. The director ditched all those rules such as, y'know, having lights, having catering, having an editor. Instead he got two actors and his 90 year old Grandmother and made a film.

Ruth Bickelhaupt is 91 now, 90 when they shot the movie -- and it's her feature film debut. She was so sweet, so hilarious-- the warmest and most engaging screen performance I've seen this year. And I mean that.

The film is so down to Earth, so amusing and just so darn joyful to watch. The writer/director has talent, huge talent; you don't make a movie like this without a wonderful aptitude and sensitivity for storytelling.

Ruth was at the screening. It's amazing how you can not know a person, then 90 minutes later a 90 year old is your new acting hero.

Oh Raindance how I love you for introducing me to this film.

After that we headed upstairs to look at the big board of movies, and there were only a couple left. We went with Serbian film 'Body Complete', and I can't tell you what it's about. That's maybe because I'm suffering from film burnout; I'm tired, zzzz, and have seen an unreal about of films this week. And I got the feeling that even though the film was about an important topic, and trying to convey something about Serbia, and Bosnia, it just wasn't done all that well.

Most of the movie, Nicole (Asli Bayram) was just strolling around looking for a girl who went missing years ago. Like, she'd visit a place, ask if they've seen her, no they haven't, so on she went to someone else and again and again until the movie ended.

But maybe I was just exhausted. An extremely gorgeous woman was sat next to me in the screening -- and she started talking to me before the film started but, this is how exhausted I was, I didn't even engage in conversation! My dream woman slipping from my grasp all because of film burnout.

After the screening, I was feeling a bit down due to 'Body Complete' and it's unhappy ending, so I demanded we go to the Charles Dickens coffee house for a slice of Apple Pie and a cup of Tea. Oh, and I mean I demanded it of my friend Pete, not the girl in the cinema, who was by this time probably already in a passionate embrace with her boyfriend Johan.

Covent Garden is wonderful of an evening, especially with Apple Pie and especially at the Charles Dickens Coffee House. They warm up the pie just right, you eat it quickly with a fork, and then you wash it down with a cup of English Breakfast tea. It's how every London evening must end.

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