A Brief Detour From Cheerful Positivity To Deliver This Public Service Announcement

When you do this.....

I will smash you up.


YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING WARNED YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

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The West Wing Is the Greatest Show Of All Time

Many years ago - my Uncle said to me, "You must watch The West Wing," and I thought yeah right, whatever. No-one tells me what to watch. But he was persistent and he lent me the first season. And I began watching it. My life changed.

My brother started watching it. His life changed. One by one, we'd pass on this wisdom to people we knew, sometimes even strangers.

KID & BROTHER

You must watch The West Wing.

STRANGER

But I'm just trying to buy some groceries?

KID & BROTHER

Go home. Watch The West Wing.

The West Wing became everything. These days; I care about the world, I have an interest in American politics, I have some knowledge on important issues, I know how to write good dialogue. This all came exclusively from The West Wing. This show is, without doubt - the most perfect thing in the history of television.

The dialogue and humor are beyond anything I've ever known. It fills all these gaps that even Chaplin, Woody Allen and episodes of Frasier can't do. What's amazing is how it was done within the confines of quite serious drama. When Arrested Development was hilarious, it was to be expected - after all-- it was a wacky comedy. But this show was about POTUS (President Of The United States) and his staff.

What made the show immediately gripping is how it didn't portray these mightily important people as anything other than human, just like us mere mortals. Here is a great example - when Will Bailey (Joshua Malina) meets The POTUS (Martin Sheen - in his defining role)

We can imagine that being any one of us -- when having to meet The President.

The West Wing was around at an important time. It reminded us that America still has ideals and a beating heart at a time when the real administration was meddling with the Middle East and letting its most historic, beautiful town get lost in a sea of flood-water. It gave people hope, it made people dream. The characters in The West Wing were everything we want in politicians, in humans, in our friends--- they were good people trying to be great.

The power of the show cannot be better demonstrated than in this now legendary scene where the President challenges a radio presenter on her views of religion and homosexuality. Bartlet spoke in the way we all wish we had the knowledge, eloquence and imagination to do.

More than anything, I'm a comedy guy. And The West Wing filled that need in ways I never expected. Sorkin's rapid fire dialogue is more like dancing, than talking - and within the rapid paced talking there was always more wit and intelligence than you could find anywhere else on TV, or even film for that matter.

Here's the President Of The United States getting obsessed at Thanksgiving with the Butterball Hotline, which gives advice on how to cook a turkey. This scene is hilarious -- especially when the woman asks for his name, and the President realizes he probably shouldn't share his identity. Magic.

I'll finish with one of my favorite moments from a very early West Wing episode. The staff are out in a bar having some fun --- when a group of guys start to pick on the President's daughter, Zoey. An incredible scene -- full of all the things that made The West Wing the greatest thing ever to grace our small screens.

Go rent it/buy it/steal it -- you will not regret it.

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Cinema Crazy.

I decided at about 3pm today to go and see a movie. I walked for forty minutes to get to the cinema. The movie was 'Brothers.' A film about Brothers, in case that wasn't clear. I bought my ticket from the depressed girl at the counter. I was worried she was depressed because she was in the previous showing of 'Brothers' - but I didn't ask.

I went in and took my seat. Well I didn't take it, I mean - I just sat on it. If I had taken it, I would have needed some tools to remove it, and it's likely I would have missed the movie. I took it in the sense of, y'know, when they say, 'please take your seats.' They rarely mean steal them outright. Or maybe they do but every time they say it people just sit down and wait anxiously, therefore they feel compelled to put on a performance.

After twenty minutes of trailers, bad adverts, and Jamie and Louise pretending they fly with Thomas Cook (a reference for my 3 British followers) -- I was finally ready for the film. I was excited, very excited. The reason? I had the room all to myself. There is no better experience than having the cinema to yourself - the only things that come close for me are a) the first time I saw 'Double Indemnity' on the big screen, and b) The time I walked out of 'Gothika' after twenty minutes. By this point, I had fully accepted that I would have the screen to myself and I demonstrated this by sinking down into my seat and stretching myself out. It was actually very awkward and my knee bashed against the seat in front, but--- I was making a point, about freedom, so I took the pain. I mean, I didn't take the pain - I didn't put it in a bag and take it on holiday, I just mean--- I took it as in put up with it. The way you put up with your Aunt talking about the 1970's.

And then I heard a door slam and two people giggle. Or maybe two doors giggled and one person slammed. Either way, it dawned on me that I wouldn't be alone. This ruined EVERYTHING. I immediately felt aggrieved. I eyed them angrily as they came in. And UGHHH, they were a couple! They'll probably be fucking loudly in the back row. I showed further disdain as they passed me by....... sitting more upright. The subtext of this action was 'oh, you're here, I guess I have to sit up. I fucking hate you. Fuck you." They went and sat in the back row and didn't make another sound throughout the whole film but I still hated them because they ruined my experience.

And then, just before the film began - two little old ladies came in. And they sat in the row behind me. Almost directly behind me, except slightly to the left. And I could just feel them there. Their presence. UGH. I was meant to be on my own and now I had what felt like my Grandmother sitting behind me--- this is not what I wanted! To show my disdain, I immediately sat upright, knowing my reasonable tallness may obstruct their view of Natalie Portman as she is quite small and may only take up the bottom portion of the screen.

The film began. I fidgeted and moaned to myself inside my head and considered taking my seat and throwing it at the depressed girl who may or may not have seen 'Brothers' before. By this point, I had convinced myself the film was terrible because most films in this cinema are.

I just tell you this story in case you ever see me in the cinema. Some of you may think 'oh look, a nice, quiet, polite guy sitting there' or you may think 'He's crazy! Look at the turmoil in his head! I think this was meant to be an empty-cinema-experience-for-him!'

Anyways, 'Brothers' is a great film! Full of subtlety and truth - and real emotion-- it really got to me. The trailer kind of sucks, but the film is really --- meh, I'm not a reviewer. I'll just say, it was great. Portman, Gyllenhall and Spiderman were all great. Go and see it if you get the chance. I will also say, for the record, that the Danish version is better. Although, I've not seen the Danish version. But if I don't pretend I have and talk about its superiority then I will get attacked- much like the way I attacked the old ladies during the end credits.*

*I didn't really attack the old ladies. At least, not during the end credits.

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Hot Girls Like Crap Films. No Exceptions.

INT. SOME PLACE - SOME TIME - OFTEN

The Kid In The Front Row is chatting away to some HOT GIRL, 20's. Things are going great - they agree on most things, probably because The Kid will cave on any topic as the girl is so hot. However, one topic he cannot lie about.

KID IN THE FRONT ROW

So what movies do you like?

HOT GIRL

Anything. You?

KID

Many things. I love Billy Wilder movies.

HOT GIRL

What are they?

KID

Films.

HOT GIRL

Are they black and white?

KID

Most of them.

HOT GIRL

(distracted)

I think my friend is over there...

KID

So what movies do you like?

The Kid waves his hand in front of the girl's face to get her attention again.

HOT GIRL

Sorry, I was looking for

someone interesting.

KID

So - what films do you like?

HOT GIRL

Anything.

KID

Like what.

HOT GIRL

Transformers. Transformers 2. Twilight.

Twilight 2. Translight 3.

KID

(someplace else..)

I think I see a friend over there..

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Stephen King's Wisdom On Writing.

I want to quote two things Stephen King wrote in his book, 'On Writing' - because they are both things I really feel and believe, and I think they're quite important.

"I have spent a good many years since - too many, I think - being ashamed about what I write. I think I was forty before I realized that almost every other writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that's all."

And this one really moved me because it is so powerful, true and important.

"Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you

makes a lot of difference. They don't have to make speeches.

Just believing is usually enough."

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