Film Scraps.

This morning I watched twenty minutes of HIGH FIDELITY. A few days back I watched about half of SOME LIKE IT HOT. Earlier in the week I watched six minutes of an episode of ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE and I even watched all of IN SEARCH OF A MIDNIGHT KISS apart from the last fifteen minutes. I never plan to do this -- and of course, many of you will be like "Dude, I'm like-- oh my god, what the hell? You're meant to be a film dude but real film dudes watch all of each film dude what the hell dude, really, what the hell?"
And of course, I agree. I never plan to not watch all of a film. I'm not really sure what happens, or why it happens. There are two factors that I can think of. One, my attention always drifts. Maybe I have Attention Deficit Disorder; but unfortunately it wasn't invented back when I was a kid, so I never had it. My mind drifts. Sometimes it's thinking about girls, "oooh, I wonder what Mandy Frumpton looks like naked." Sometimes, it's more creative thinking, like "oooh, I wonder if I creep down Brownhurst Avenue late at night, maybe I could sneakily see Mandy Frumpton naked." Sometimes my mind just drifts off and dreams of nonsensical things, like "ooh, I wonder if I asked Mandy out, and she said no, maybe I'd bump into her in the store, and she'd be buying beans, but they'd have no beans, and I'd steal some cheese. I'd steal the cheese and everyone would be running after me...." Then I snap back. I missed a bit of dialogue from the movie I'm watching. I get grumpy. Then I go for a pee. Then there's someone at the door. It's Mandy, she says to stop fantasising about her because she's trying to get some work done. Then I get a phone call. Then I come back to the movie but I quickly check my emails, and there's an email from a disgruntled blog reader saying "Your blogs are crap man! Don't you ever blog about important film stuff!?" and I say, "I do. Didn't you read the one about Mandy Frumpton?" and then I start the movie again-- but now I've lost it. Or rather, the film has lost it. Lost its flow. I decide to make a cup of tea then come back to it.

The problem that happens when I come back to it is part of the bigger problem. Namely that, my moods swing erratically when it comes to movie watching. I really have to be in the mood to watch a film. Often, when I stare at my DVD's, wondering what to watch; it's not so much about what is a good movie but 'what is it that I need?'. I need the drug of film, and I need the right prescription. For example, the other day; I was in a flighty, happy, Billy-Wilder-is-God mood, so I put in SOME LIKE IT HOT. But as it was playing, I got a great idea for a film. I paused the DVD and began frantically writing. Twenty minutes later I realized my idea; about two men who dress as women to make some money and avoid criminals was hardly original. I shut down my laptop and returned to the movie. But now I was angry at myself for starting a crap script, and this comedy nonsense was clearly not what I wanted to be watching.

This morning, I was in the mood for HIGH FIDELITY. I'd been avoiding it for about four years-- ever since I lent it to a girl called Gemma who decided to let her cat have a three hour disco on the data side of the disc (I can only assume). I decided to risk it, hoping the disc would work. It did, and the film was good. Just as I remembered, scenes in order and everything. But after a short break because of a work matter, I couldn't get back into the movie. I've seen it a heap of times, and it's slow and predictable and blah de blah, la la. I won't be going back to it any time soon.

I have these scraps of movies everywhere. It can't be good for me to be watching random bits and pieces of films. Am I the only person who does this? I suspect you are all good film-people who would never ever even pause a film or even stop for fires, but maybe someone can relate.

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The Writer Who Never Wrote About The Things He'd Never Written.

There was a writer, a great writer, although he never wrote, because he didn't have time to. This is what he wrote about in his memoirs, or at least he would have, if he had found the time. You see, the writer was unfortunate in that every time he went to write he would have something more pressing to do. Like pressing clothes, pressing a button on a microwave and pressing people's patience.

The writer's creativity was a strange and complex thing. His imagination would create wonderful ideas, which he would then sit down to write. As soon as he did - another wonderful idea would enter his mind, meaning the other one seemed less important, meaning he returned to pressing.

The depressing nature of his natural inclination to press, rather than write, was repressed and oppressed, causing much stress, a complete mess. Often, he would be just about to write his masterpiece when he would get an unexpected call at the door. On days it didn't happen, he would call up friends and demand they call round unexpectedly. When they did, he would curse at the Gods for making him so busy.

The writer was a remarkable fellow in that he could never find the time to write but he could always find the time to Google the symptoms of his ever changing illnesses. And when truly frustrated by his inability to find time to write, he would shoot off a ten thousand word email to friends moaning about how busy he'd been. He couldn't understand why all the successful writers weren't busy, when he was extremely busy. He thought he got to the bottom of this when he got two extra shifts tending bar and two extra nights tending a hangover but unfortunately this failed to materialize in the written word.

Many nights he pondered over why he had never made it in the industry and why nobody had ever noticed the genius of his writing. For years, he struggled to figure it out. This struggling made him consider writing his first novel but he felt bitter about all the times the works he had never written had never been published. The bitterness grew and grew, until it was the size of a small goat which is actually quite big in terms of bitterness. The bitterness grew and he got angry towards all the publishers he'd never met and all the readers who had never enjoyed the work he had never written.

He finally decided to quit after many years of not achieving what he wanted with the books he'd never written.

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Zero-Budget Filmmaking: An Immense Opportunity.

When people ask me what I do, I usually say that I am a writer-director. A completely marginalized fact is that I am also an experienced producer. For everything that I have written and directed, I have also produced. I just never realized it. And as I set out to work on a new project-- I am feeling an immense amount of excitement at the prospect of not only doing something, but doing it for no money.

Is Zero-Budget filmmaking really zero-budget filmmaking? For me, to call a short film 'zero-budget' - is a film under, say, $400. And a zero-budget feature film would be something around $10,000. The idea being the short film is something that ANYONE could do merely by way of avoiding their cigarettes for a month, or cutting down on nights out, or by dumping their girlfriend. And the feature film version; I think if anyone is really passionate about making a feature film, they can find a way to save, borrow or steal a few thousand. I was just watching 'In Search Of A Midnight Kiss' - a wonderful film with a shooting budget of $2000 and a final budget of somewhere around $12,000. It's films like that which can really help inspire.

The great thing about zero-budget filmmaking is how cheap everything is. Locations: Free. Camera Equipment: Free. Actors: Free. Everything: Free. When you move from zero-budget to low-budget things get more expensive. The problem is that when you have a bit of money, you have to negotiate and barter. But when you shoot on a zero-budget the price you pay for things is anything not higher than zero.

KID
I want to film in your shop.

SHOP MAN
Pay me $500.

KID
No. I'll pay you $0.

SHOP MAN
Yes/No.

It's that simple. You do what you can, when you can, however you can to make it happen. You turn up on the day and you do what is possible. And usually a lot more is possible because of the freedom of having no money.

On The Set Of Avatar: Rumored To Not Be Zero-Budget.

When you have no money, you usually have no crew, and no big lights; which means you can change setups/locations, etc in an instant. Nothing is ever set in stone. As soon as you have a little bit of money and things are paid for, things tend to get a lot more static. There are little people running around saying "I just spent two hours wiring that!" or "There's no way I can move the crane in time..!".

Locations on a zero-budget are free. One of three things happen. One, you ask for a location and someone says yes. Two, you film without permission. Three, they tell you no and you still film with no permission. Most zero-budget filmmakers will have great tales of stealing the shot -- the act of getting in and doing the scene unnoticed. And when you do get noticed, you send someone over to discuss permission, whilst the rest of you keep getting the shot.

In the last few months I have gotten to know a filmmaker who does very exciting work, he's very talented-- but he says these big sweeping statements to me about how "You couldn't do that for less than $20,000" - and it's absolutely crazy to me. "We were lucky, we got that location for $3,000" he'd say.

Having said that-- I have been wonderfully privileged with the films I have made; to be supported by such incredible people. What I've lacked in money I have made up for with the generosity, talent, and hard work of people who've gone beyond the call of duty to make the films come together. On a short film last year; we finished shooting at 4am each night and the 1st AD would drive the actors home. She didn't get home until 7am. She did this for free, she never even let me give her travel expenses. Similar stories come to mind from my very early films - when old-school friends/work friends would take time out to pick things up, make food, steal a dog for a scene, and my best friend who risked getting sacked so that we could use his work's car park for a night shoot. So many examples of people just being outrageously selfless, enabling me to succeed. People are great-- and somehow, weirdly, you see this more in people when you're doing a film for nothing than when money gets involved.

My point is - if you are stuck at home mumbling to yourself about a lack of money, or a lack of people or a lack of a location--- then it's really time to get up and get out the door. The power to make a film lies with you. The opportunities are endless.

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He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.

Conversation with my Brother.

KID
You gotta watch this, it's a great film.
Meaning: You gotta watch this,
it's a great film.

MY BROTHER
But is it actually good?
Meaning: Is it good like 'normal'
good, or good in your artsy,
foreign, nothing-happens,
filmy-person type way?

To say our tastes differ is an understatement. Although, we both love 'Cool Runnings.'

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Life Is Just A Series Of Facebook Events, But Your Screenplay Can't be.

"Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up"
-Bright Eyes.

Life is basically just a bunch of appointments and Facebook events. You leave the house at 7am, you go to work. You have a 39 minute lunch break, you go to the doctors, then you go and meet your friend for a quick drink which ends sooner than it should because you need to be home to watch that thing on TV, then you go to bed because you have to be up at 7am.

When we write in this manner - it really kills our screenplays. Often when you're writing, you dream ahead in obvious, logical ways. For example, your characters are sitting in their apartment, and you need to get to the office scene. So after the INT. HOME scene, you have the EXT. HOME scene, followed by the INT./EXT. CAR scene, followed by the INT. OFFICE scene. It's logical. It's how life is. It's also very boring.

If you find yourself writing in this logical way, it's time to close the laptop and dream a bit further. Unless your story is about the mundanity of life, then it's important, I feel, to go in a different direction.

Don't write about the time you met a friend to go see a movie, don't write about two guys walking into a meeting, don't write about two stoners sitting playing Xbox. That might be a part of your life - but it's not the part of your life that is interesting.

Write about the time you showed a girl a part of her neighborhood she's never seen before. Write about the time you turned up at your friend's house at 4am to deliver a birthday cake, write about the time your girlfriend accidentally dropped a kitchen knife on your foot (okay, maybe that wasn't an accident), write about the time you stayed up all night singing songs with strangers, write about the time you stole something, ran from something, changed something.

Now, what is it which makes a scene interesting? If you see a man coming through a doorway, it means nothing. If you see him coming through a window - that is at once interesting.
-Billy Wilder.

If you have a scene where two friends are meeting by a parked car, you may be tempted to write this scene.

EXT. CAR
Katharine sees Will, standing by the car.

KATHARINE
Hey.

WILL
Hey.

KATHARINE
You ready to go?

WILL
Sure. If the car is working.

But by taking an extra nine seconds to think about the scene-- you can do it in a more original, and interesting way.

EXT. CAR
Katharine arrives. Will is nowhere to be scene.

WILL (O.S.)
I'm here.

Katharine looks around.

KATHARINE
Will?

WILL
I'm under the car.

KATHARINE
Why?

WILL
Trying to fix it.

KATHARINE
You don't know anything about cars.

WILL
I just snapped something.

Katharine looks around, panicked.

KATHARINE
Hold on, Will, this isn't even your car!

Or something else:

EXT. STREET - DAY
Katharine storms into view and throws her hands up in the air.

KATHARINE
Where is the car?

WILL
I thought we were going by bicycle?

KATHARINE
No.

WILL
Oh.

KATHARINE
You don't even have a bicycle.

WILL
I thought you would bring them.

Life is mostly boring. We meet our friends for coffee, we talk about our struggles, and then get home safely in time to watch our favorite TV shows. This is life. BAD writers write about this; lots of hispter people sitting around coffee houses talking. You know you're having a bad day when these are the scenes you are writing.

Instead, have the characters sitting on trees, making fires in the forest, making fires on 5th Avenue, have them dancing in offices, have them doing paperwork during dance class; do something different. It can still be realistic. Realism in film isn't about having characters who are home for dinner at 6pm. It's about having characters eat their dinner at 8am in the morning and having the audience believe that they would.

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