Film Career FAQ.

Last month, I wrote a list of questions (with some help from you guys) that keep popping up from friends/family/locals passing by/strangers/internet people/career advisors/teachers/pets/priests. All of these people, in fact nearly everyone you meet, happens to have many fascinating questions to ask about what we do for a living. It's very nice of them to show so much interest. Of course, as we're quite busy acting/directing/writing, etc-- we often don't find the time to work on the correct answers. I've put some answers together, that you can refer back to whenever you need.


So what do you do exactly?

I work hard every single day to follow my dreams, to develop myself to be the very best I can be. What do you do?

Are you sure you are what the industry is looking for?

No, that's what's so exciting about it! I have no idea!

Did you hear about that guy who made a film for $1 and got into Cannes? Have you thought of doing that?

I heard about it, that's amazing. There's also a guy who made a film for $50million and didn't get into Cannes, I'd like to do that as well!

Any progress with your films yet?

Every day I'm progressing, even on the days it's going horribly wrong! I had no idea you were interested in progress-- what can you teach me about it?

Are you famous yet?

I hope not!

Why are you still working here?

It's helping me support the career that I am so outrageously, crazily, obsessively in love with. Is that why you're still here too?

Do you want to hear my idea about a a Sci-Fi film about the devil and death and life and vampires and good versus evil where the devil plays chess and did you know my idea is totally amazing and original?

Sure! Write out a full treatment and email it to me, great.

Are you talented enough?

Definitely.

It's been a year already and you're not famous yet, shouldn't you consider a career change?

You're so good at these questions, maybe you could be a journalist!

Oh you're an actor? I know a girl who is an actor and she's only been able to get a Herpes commercial so far?

Cool. At least she didn't get Herpes.

You do know that hundreds of women try out for those parts, right?

Oh no, really!? I thought it was just me! Now I know those rejections aren't so personal!

Have you ever thought about making a film that people actually want to watch?

You mean, like a Transformers movie? I'll give it a go, if you want.

Have I seen you in anything?

I've been fortunate enough so far to do great work that hasn't been big, international stuff. I'm worried that one day I might be 'a star', then I'd have to deal with all the stuff that comes with it!

You know that EVERYONE wants to direct features, right?

Wow, I didn't know. But that's great! Maybe they'll start making much better films than we have at the moment.

Are you still trying to make films?

I like that you use the word trying. I always forget how much I try. What a great quality! Thank you for reminding me, that was really kind of you.

And how old are you again?

I'm [age]. And judging by your question, you're 96.

Why don't you get a real job?

Let me tell you a secret. This job is the greatest thing in the world. Whether it's real or not, I don't know. I mean, you seem to know. But even if it's not real, it's still the greatest in the world!

Are you rich yet?

I met five wonderful actors last week. I worked with a truly inspirational production designer the week before, and yesterday I spent the evening watching a life-altering play. So, yes, I am very rich, in many wonderful ways!!

[To an actor] So that means you make a living at lying, right?

Whatever my answer, how do you know I'm telling the truth?

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Has anyone seen my DVD?

Dear Readers,

I woke up this morning with the sudden and unexplainable urge to watch the film 'CRASH' (Haggis, 2004). Unfortunately, as I look around my room - I am unable to locate the DVD. And I'm wondering -- have you seen it? Did I lend it to you? Did you steal it from me?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Disappointed,

Kid In The Front Row

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One Night Stand

I first saw 'One Night Stand' on the TV, late at night, probably around 1999. I remember taping it; and watching it again and again on VHS. This is a film that could always grab my attention and keep me engaged. Over the years, I've watched it many times. Weirdly, I've never owned it - but have rented it time after time, including this week. I would go as far as to say it's one of my favorite films.
Here's the fascinating thing - the film is generally disliked by all. And any who do like it would, at best, give it a 6.5 out of 10. But I think it's an incredible movie! It was generally misunderstood on release; if you watch the trailer, it makes it look like it's primarily about sex. The sex is a small part at the beginning of the movie - but it goes on to be about much more.

Robert Downey Jr, who plays a gay man dying of AIDS, gives one of his strongest performances, the type of subtle genius we're unlikely to see again in this, the age of Iron Sherlock Man Holmes. The scenes between him and his best friend, played by Wesley Snipes in the lead role; are painful to watch; they capture the truth of losing someone you love in a powerful way.

I notice now, being a lot older, that there is a lot more going on in the film than I had originally realised. It's that complexity that keeps me coming back again and again. I don't have a lot to say, really; just that I find it interesting how sometimes we can completely love a film that, so far as we can tell, nobody else really cares about. I recommend seeing it. I hope some of you can enjoy as much as I have.

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"England - The World Cup Movie."

Rumors fresh out of South Africa indicate that film director Fabio Capello is remaking the football film 'England - The World Cup Movie' - only eight years after the last one (there was another remake shot four years ago, but it didn't even make it to DVD).

Fans of the original movie, an unexpected smash hit in 1966; are adamant that new directors must stop remaking it every four years as the newer versions have been appalling, and mostly unwatchable. "Every four years somebody tries to remake it again," said football fan James Innes, "but it's always so predictable." This was an opinion echoed by Greg Baker, not because his opinion was similar but because there was an echo in the room when I asked him.

The problem isn't, as many people believe, that they remake the film every four years - it's that they never have any originality and are always the same. "The film's always start off so promising!" screamed Eric Flump, as he battled to be heard over a passing motorbike, "I always go into it with fresh enthusiasm and belief; and literally, the whole of the UK expects the film to be great. What starts off with lots of energy in the opening stages, soon becomes a pitiful mess towards the end."

"You'd think one of the studio execs would have changed things up a little, or made them a little less predictable, but they're always the same" explained Harry The Hooligan, "but you know exactly what's going to happen---- either halfway through or after three-quarters, one of the character's is going to get angry and cause a scene, or one of the stars is going to leave the movie half way through due to a tight hamstring."

The only remake of the world cup movie that was even mildly loved by fans and critics was the 1990 version, although some felt that the choice of ending was an unfair penalty for what otherwise had solid performances. Betsy Betson, former editor of SoccerWeekly, is hopeful for a fresh approach in the 2010 version but is hardly optimistic; "Jesus, it's pointless, isn't it. Absolutely insane, mental. Outrageous," shouted Betsy, in near meltdown, before following it with, "sorry, what was the question?" As I asked her again about the poor state of the remakes, she instantly blamed Hollywood. "Jesus! They're clearly out of ideas! They think by casting Wayne Rooney they stand a chance of succeeding, but it's ridiculous. Pointless. It's written into their contracts that the film has to die pathetically at least ten minutes before the end."

Various drafts of the screenplay for the 2010 reboot have been read across town (and by town, we mean West London) - but various elements are since believed to have been dropped. Carlo Ancellotti, a talented and experienced screenwriter/director, added in elements where footballers sleep with each others wives, and team captains take large payments for stadium tours, but they were deemed too unrealistic by the producers.

In summary - the new version is believed to be in keeping with all the others. Hugely promising, with a large and overpaid cast. There'll be signs of good dialogue, fun action sequences and occasional inspiration-- only to be let down by a sloppy ending.

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Are you taking your career seriously?

I know some people who moan about the industry. They moan about how it's "impossible to make it as a director" before they've even directed a stranger on how to get to the train station. I know actors who moan about being unable to meet director's, who then go on to cancel three meetings in a row with me. The majority of people don't fail in this industry because it's hard, they fail because they're not trying.

Today I did a filming job in the morning. It was meant to finish at 3pm but it finished at 11am. Fine by me. I got paid. I came home. I was reading a screenwriting book on the way back. When I got home, I decided to watch a film. It was 'Milk'. It was difficult to watch, really challenging-- being that it's pretty much the first film I have watched which is very much about homosexuality (I mean, in 'Philadelphia' Tom Hanks is gay, but it's not as primary a thing in every scene as with 'Milk'). The film was fascinating, and Sean Penn was amazing. Then the DVD stopped working on 53 minutes. Those damn rentals. I made some lunch. Then I watched another rental, 'Look Who's Talking'. Stupid thing stopped working after 23 minutes! I got a phone call from a film festival programmer who's going to screen a couple of my short films. We talked for a bit, talked about arrangements. Tonight I watched about six Tom Hanks interviews, then two episodes of 'The Actors Studio' - one with Will Smith, and one with Kevin Costner. I wrote a film blog about Tom Hanks, I wrote a film blog about Kevin Costner. I set up a Facebook event for the film festival and invited my friends. I emailed a feature screenplay I've recently written to the Head Of Development at a medium-sized production company. He said he'd read it. I am constantly doing the work. Now, I'm not saying I'm successful. I'm just saying, I'm doing the work. I'm in the zone. I'm clearing out the movie trash.

Too many actors say they're going to make showreels, and don't. Too many actors wait too many years for too many films they don't even like anyway. Too many actors put DVD's on their cabinet and wait for some magical mystery day before doing anything to make a showreel. Jesus, there's going to be a Black President before these guys get their showreels done!

Too many people are busy. Busy running around meeting for 'coffee' and discussing projects, and quoting lines from George Bernard Shaw, instead of doing the work, creating the work, being the work, finding the work. By work I mean work, and I mean studying, and I mean chasing, and I mean living. You are too talented to be sitting on Facebook. You are too talented to be too tired to work on your business plan, or your storyboards, or your composition. You are too talented to repeatedly meet up with the same 'safe' people who are all industry-talk-but-no-action.


Yesterday, I had a free day. I had nothing to do. Luckily, I had friends who wanted to see me. One of them is a music composer who I've worked with in the past, but we've never really spent much time talking. So we met for coffee. And we talked for hours about all aspects of our industry; and all the things we talk about here like creativity, inner critics, Tom Hanks, gender issues in film, etc -- and he taught me lots about music rights and publishing. How awesome! Instead I could have been at home, talking to some girl on MSN who I don't really know and don't really care about. I learned a lot, and got to understand more about how he works and how he finds and channels his creativity. The only problem was - I paid for the damn coffee.

I know actors that are constantly late for meetings, I know film director's who haven't watched a film in four months, I know writers who know everything that is wrong with every film ever made, yet have never written one right thing themselves; not because their writing is bad but because they've never actually written anything.

The right time to do the work is, surely, right now, otherwise what's the point? If you said you'd read my script, you should. If I said I'd watch that musical from 1937 that you lent me two years ago, then now is a good time. If we said we'd go to the ocean to get some inspiration from nature for our screenplays, then we damn well should. The time is now and the time is now and the time is now. We are too healthy and too privileged and too alive to not do anything now. And if some of you can honestly say "hey, actually, I'm not healthy enough right now," then that's even more of a reason why the rest of us should get off our asses and actually do the work we were put on this Earth to do.

I know you have talent, I know you love movies. Whatever has stopped you, be it laziness, confusion, or a lack of confidence. Whatever is behind that; debt, bad parents, negative teachers, depression;- your freedom will come from your passions, from your dreams, from your talents; if only you bother to start finding them and using them. DO IT.

I beg you
Do something
Learn a dance step
Something to justify your existence
Something that gives you the right
To be dressed in your skin in your body hair
Learn to walk and to laugh
Because it would be too senseless
After all
For so many to have died
While you live
Doing nothing with your life.

-Charlotte Delbo, Holocaust Survivor.

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