The One Where A Tripod Plate Gives The Kid A Breakdown

Sometimes you really feel like you know yourself. You really have your life, and your mind, figured out. You've dealt with your personal problems, overcome confidence issues-- and life seems like one big bowl of sunshine; a universe full of love and opportunity. It's easy to feel like this when nothing is really happening, and when nothing in particular is going wrong. But then something drastic can happen; like a death, a huge bill, or a small tripod plate going missing.

For those of you that don't know -- a tripod plate is the thing that fixes your camera to the tripod. Okay, you probably all knew that. I have two of these plates, at home; yet they both decided to go missing, leaving me to go completely insane.

It all started last week some time when a guy I know rang me up to ask if I wanted a camera job, as he couldn't do it. My initial thought was "Will this stop me from sitting around watching The West Wing?" which of course it would, but then he mentioned how much I would get paid - so I accepted. Because as much as I ramble on about artistic integrity and the heart of movies, in reality I just want a huge wad of cash.

So I took the job and went back to watching The West Wing and then before you know it today arrives and I'm suddenly very aware that tomorrow I have the shoot. So I go find my equipment. Everything is fine. Apart from the Tripod Plate. Which is missing.

It was actually missing two weeks ago, when I offered to film an audition piece for an actress friend. She thought I was a bit insane when, in between the tripod and the camera I placed a big medical encyclopedia from 1967. Luckily this not only helped stabilize the camera but also enabled me to diagnose her with lumbago. Of course, going out on a professional shoot - it is less acceptable to balance equipment on a medical book, especially as I have a tendency to test people's knowledge of Onychogryphosis.

The plate was missing, but I figured it would be laying around, somewhere. I still believe it is laying around somewhere, probably chilling out and relaxing-- but after a brief, carefree look for it this morning, I suddenly began to go insane. WHERE THE HELL IS THE TRIPOD PLATE? I looked everywhere. Camera bags, in the garage where my old lighting gear is, in my room, in the fridge, in the toaster. Nowhere-- where the hell was it?

Maybe that friend who borrowed my tripod because he was filming a wedding has it? In fact, I was certain he had it. Even though, truthfully; I remember him returning the tripod and the plate, maybe he didn't? Or maybe he did but, when I turned away, stole it back from me. Why would somebody steal a tripod plate when they don't have a tripod or a camera? I don't know, but I was certain he stole it and was ready to phone him up and scream at him just as soon as I took the carpet up to search for the long lost Tripod Plate.

I looked in the same places, again and again. I then text the guy who got me the job to suggest my suddenly genius idea of doing it handheld. He called me back and told me to stop being insane and said "you really need a tripod."

I said "I have one."

And he said "you should use it."

So I said "I will."

And he said "so what's the problem with your tripod?"

And I said "there's no problem with the tripod."

So he said "Why are we having this conversation?"

And I said "because of a tripod plate."

So he said "You don't have one?"

And I said "Actually I have two."

So he asked "What is the problem?"

And I said "I don't know where they are."

I began to panic. What the hell would I do if I didn't find my Tripod Plate? I immediately formulated an emergency plan, but found it hard to concentrate as I took in another episode of The West Wing.

The point of this story, in case you haven't figured it out already; is never, ever, trust a tripod plate.

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Screenwriting Contest Finalists To Be Judged By GLEE Editor JOE LEONARD

Thank you to everyone who took part in the screenwriting competition, the deadline for which passed a few days ago. There were twenty-four entries, which is fantastic given the short deadline and the small readership of the blog.

Here's what's going to happen now; I'm going to spend time this week reading all of the entries, and then I will make a shortlist of the best screenplays. I will then work with JOE LEONARD to determine which is the winning screenplay. Joe is the writer/director of the fabulous feature film "HOW I GOT LOST" and is also an editor. He's edited numerous episodes of "GLEE" and was on the editorial department of the recent film "EAT PRAY LOVE." He is a great writer, has great creative instincts, and is the perfect judge for this competition.

We'll be back with more information soon! Meanwhile, thanks for all your entries! I can't wait to read them all.

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Bad Ideas

I've got a bad idea; let's meet up to discuss writing a script together, spend two weeks talking about it and then not do anything.

I've got an idea; let's say we're finally going to edit our showreels, demand the footage from all the people who have it and the leave it all under the bed for two years.

I've got an idea; let's take that contact at Universal that your Uncle put himself on the line for and then let's not bother calling them for seventeen months.

I've got an idea, let's call ourselves writers and not write a word in three months. Let's not complete a script in five years.

I've got an idea let's get a cast and crew to dedicate their time to a short film and then when it's shot let's not bother editing for two years and then when we finally finish it, let's hide it and think of a load of reasons why it will never be ready.

Here's a great idea, let's buy a load of inspirational industry books but not read them.

I've got an idea; let's take little trivial things like having to stay an extra hour at work or having to help the Grandparents carry their shopping home and let's use those things as excuses for not doing things for the rest of the day.

I've got an idea, let's get boyfriends and girlfriends who have no interest in creativity and then let's be surprised when we're no longer creating anything.

Here's a genius idea - let's tell someone we're really excited about the opportunity they have and then when they call let's not answer, and let's pretend that our phone wasn't working or that we'd accidently left it at home.

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The Event - WTF?

I began watching "THE EVENT," just because it was on TV. I don't normally do that; in fact, I don't watch anything on TV. I just watch box-sets about six years after everyone else. But the show was up on the screen and I was down on the sofa so I thought I might as well begin watching as the girl in it was kind of hot and also I was under the strange impression that this was a one off TV movie. So I sat and began watching.

A guy was on a plane going a bit crazy for no-reason and then there was a caption saying 'Eight Days Earlier' and the guy who was going crazy on the plane was now chilling out with the hot girl by the beach; they chatted for a bit, and then he dived in the water to save some girl who was drowning. And then it said 'Four Days Earlier.' Was this four days before the previous eight days; or four days before the original day, the day of days; which I can only assume was the day the dude went crazy on a plane - or some other day?

Anyway, suddenly the President got involved, but that was sixteen days before something; but was maybe four days after the hot girl's mother got shot either three minutes or three years after another one of her daughters got kidnapped for trying to rescue a small bike.

Meanwhile, some time went by and the crazy dude was not on a plane and not on a beach but it was six days since four days ago and three years ago he was in a hotel room looking for the hot girl who may have been kidnapped or may have popped out for a coffee. Then we cut to a commercial and came back sixteen days after three days before the four days five months ago when the daughter's Father became a pilot and then an alien stole the airplane. The End.

Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on? And is everyone okay? Do we even know what date it is? Does this blog even exist yet? Does Sarah Roemer (hot girl) wanna crash at my place until all this dies down?

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When An Actor Says "I'm Sorry, But I've Just Been Offered Paid Work"

It's day four of a six day shoot. You have invested all of your energy in putting this incredible project together. You managed to get an incredible cast, the best DP in independent film and you somehow managed to score an office location for the shoot for free. Everything is perfect. And then your actor awkwardly says "Um, I've been offered a paid job tomorrow, and I have to take it." Actually, they probably don't say that; they text it, or email it, or tweet it. This is one of the big elephants in the room in independent filmmaking. But this elephant gets around, because absolutely everyone has experienced it. So, on the one hand, I'm inclined to go into the big question of -- what do you do in this situation? But I'd rather focus on the one who is creating this conflict, the one who is taking the paid job. Because it is to them that we really need to say; what are you doing?

Of course, the simple wisdom is 'pay them something' and 'get them to sign a contract,' and these things sound lovely - but people still walk out after four days to do something else. So firstly, before we go on, I hope we can all agree that this happens, and in fact - it happens quite often. It's very rare for the person leaving to go to a paid job instead and feel good about it. They will defensively say they have to or that they have no choice, but they will feel bad doing it and know they are in the wrong. You know this because they'll text you their excuse and you'll probably never see them again.

The two main reasons given are: "I'm sorry, but it's paid, and I'm so broke right now that I have to take it." The other one is "This is a great opportunity, the guy who was AD on that spin-off from that show who made that thing that used to be on NBC is directing it!" - this, of course, is especially true with actors who think it's their big break.
But it's this idea of a big break which is the troublesome thing--- because, the big break doesn't exist. Being in a commercial or having two lines in a feature film directed by someone reasonably established isn't a big break. Real acting, like real directing, isn't about a big break-- it's about constantly creating opportunity through your body of work. A big break, if it happens, is temporary, and fleeting. One minute, you're in a magazine as "The Star of 2007" and the next thing you know, it's 2010 and you've not had a job in three years. A real 'big break' happens once a year, and it happens to Kristen Stewart or Andrew Garfield. If David Fincher wants you in a movie - I understand. But if the paid job you're ditching your indie flick for is a yogurt commercial - you really need to think seriously about your priorities, and your career.

Let's imagine it's 2005, and Mark and Jay Duplass ask you to be in their independent film "THE PUFFY CHAIR." They're shooting it for $15,000; they can't pay you anything. The film is about relationships and it's mostly improvised. You get a role and it seems like fun-- you don't know much about them and you don't totally know if it will work, but you take the role.

And then two days into the shoot you get a call from your agent, if you have one; and they've got you a role playing a young parent in a McDonald's commercial, and they're paying you two thousand. What happens here is most people take the two thousand, and go do the McDonald's commercial.

Now, of course, on the shoot -- the Duplass Brothers would be pissed because you've monumentally fucked up their movie, which you know; so you keep avoiding them, meanwhile you do the McDonald's gig because you desperately need the money and you want to get that big break.

So now it's 2010. Five years have gone by and that two thousand is long gone. Would you rather have done the McDonald's commercial or starred in one of the best independent films of the last decade? Which one is the best for your career? Reality check--- if you're in this business for the money, or for stardom, you really shouldn't be wasting your time in independent films in the first place. If you want to be doing good, meaningful work -- do it now, and dedicate yourself to it.

There are two very different roads to be taken on the way to 'success' in this industry. One is financial; it involves stardom, magazine covers, and the hope that one day you'll be Johnny Depp or Megan Fox. The other way is to do projects that move you, inspire you, and challenge you. You can start deciding to do those right now, TODAY. You can find the writers and directors who are really trying to do something that is about having something to say, and about putting out meaningful art. You can align yourself with them and there's the hope that one day you'll be Mark Duplass or Patricia Clarkson.

Next time you are caught between the paid job, and the great job - it's really a decision about who you are and what you're in this industry for. ESPECIALLY when the two of them collide, and ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY when you have already agreed to do the no-budget project.

This isn't an article about being pretentious or about being purely about art. It's about realising there are different things we can be chasing. And if you get too caught up in success, you're going to lose out on a lot of amazing experiences. I know a lot of filmmakers who have been majorly let down by actors for these very reasons. And more often than not, the filmmakers go on to do great work and the actor's are still chasing down jobs and struggling. A 'big break' to me is either a) Getting cast in a big franchise and getting stinking rich --OR-- b) Getting cast in the next 'Once' or 'The Puffy Chair." As an actor, you should decide which one you're after. And then go for it completely.

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