Giving Myself Permission To Watch Films

I'm not sure when I got like this. One minute I was 14 and watching four movies a day. The next thing you know I'm quite a bit older and any time I watch a movie I feel guilty. Like I'm being unproductive. For me, watching a movie is like a weird, complex and secretive thing I have to do at times my inner critic will allow. It's like this.

Inner Critic: Dude, you can't sit around watching movies.

The Kid: Okay, but it's 3am! You can't expect me to be productive at three AM, can I watch a movie now?

Inner Critic: Ssssh, I'm napping.

And so I watch a movie at 3am. Or today. Today I am getting paid to edit. But, the first part of this job is uploading and converting. Which takes hours. So I was able to have some permission.

IC: Dude, do your job.

Kid: It's uploading, and converting, and all that stuff.

IC: Then work on your script.

Kid: I am not in the frame of mind for that, whilst I'm doing the other job.

IC: Find a location for the movie you're doing.

Kid: I'm editing.

IC: Hmm. But it's converting.

Kid: So I should watch a movie.

IC: That's not working.

Kid: Work is being done. I'll sneak in a movie. 1pm till 3pm. It's fine.

IC: Okay, fine. Be like that.

And that's how it's done. When did I get so insane? The truth of the matter is: I NEED movies. I need to watch them. I need to sit there and sink into the wonderful world of a good story and fascinating characters. But I give myself a hard time getting there.

Yesterday, I did a long job in the freezing cold in the middle of a field and it was all handheld and my equipment was getting ruined by torrential rain and it was all a bit insane. But it was hard work, and I got paid well, so my inner-critic went on vacation.

So when I got home, I felt like my day had value. I was able to watch a movie guilt free. I watched "ADVENTURELAND" and had the most fun I've had with a movie in about a year. But this is what I do to myself.

It's funny because; I do a lot of inner critic work and positive thinking and personal development and all that stuff -- but this issue, of film watching guilt still arises. It could be a negative thing, or maybe it's the part of me that makes sure I do a good day's work. I give myself a hard time and it leads to me watching a lot of films for seventeen minutes before turning them off so I can go and work on a script or whatever; but maybe it's a good thing; I watch less films now, but when I see them: I've really earned it. Like "THANK YOU FOR SMOKING" just now, or "ADVENTURELAND" last night.

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Blogger Issues

Whenever I change my fonts, i.e. font type or font color, by the time I preview or post the changes, it reverts back to the original look. i.e. - when posting an interview it won't allow me to use different color's for the questions. Or when writing dialogue, it won't let me use the Courier font. Does anyone have any clue what the hell is going on? How will I survive this ordeal?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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TRACY CLIFTON - Actor Interview

TRACY CLIFTON is an actress. A very good one who has done a lot of great work, but you probably don't know her. Tracy is like most of the actors in the industry-- doing the best she can each day to find her way in a challenging, unpredictable, and highly competitive industry.

I'm interviewing Tracy because a) I think she's wonderful and I want you all to know about her, and b) Because she represents the bigger, silent majority of actors, who are doing the best they can each day to have a great career and find work that inspires them.

There are a billion actresses out there, and they all want the same roles as you. How do you stay sane?

I was taught this very simple concept by my favorite acting professor in college: Go into every audition thinking, "Here's what I have to give. Can you use it?" And that's how I go into every.single.audition. I have a gift - the gift of being me, in all my spazziness, my enthusiasm, my eyes that change color depending on my mood, my knife fighting skills, my dark sense of humor. Can they use any, or all of it, for the role I'm auditioning for? If the answer is Yes, then great! That's wonderful! We're both blessed by me being hired. If the answer is No, we can't use what you have to give right now, then I don't need to be there, and I don't want to be some place where I'm not needed.

This keeps me sane every day of the week - and keeps me from ever taking it too personally (or getting caught up in the ridiculousness that is being an actress.)

As an upcoming actor - you want roles, but I'm sure you also want to do good, interesting work. So, how important is a good script to you?

A good script and a good actor create a great partnership (American History X, LA Confidential, Children of Men, 40 Year Old Virgin, etc.) but you can still have a bad script with good actors (X-Men 3, Speed, Bad Boys 1 and 2, and most slasher flicks); but it's hard to pull off anything with bad acting. So when looking at a script, I drop the judgment. I'm never going to blame a bad performance of mine on a script because a good actor should sell, and make believable, a bad script any day of the week. Do all actors want the chance to act in movies like The Godfather, Good Will Hunting, The Insider, American Beauty, Pulp Fiction, American History X, etc? Yes. But let's remember this: Star Wars didn't have the best script. But the actors sold it and never turned up their noses, or dialed it in because it wasn't good writing. They found ways to make it work through their performances. And because of that, it's freakin' awesome. So I would say - while it's a nice perk to have a good script, I don't turn down bad scripts. Those are the challenges (and I don't back down from challenges.)

Do you think there are as many interesting roles out there for women compared to men?

I don't, honestly, but instead of complaining about it (which I've probably done on your blog, Kid) I want to change the industry. Not necessarily with a "Mrs. Smith goes to Hollywood" kind of idealism, but with an attitude of: women are just as complex as men. And their stories deserve to be told. Women don't have to be defined by their relationships the way they are portrayed in films (she's the Daughter! Sister! Mother! Bride! Whore! Virgin!) but can be the heroes of their own journeys, being fallible and human while still being fascinating to watch. I would also like to see the industry move away from its fascination with torture-porn and punishing women for wearing tank tops in dark forests, but that's another interview altogether, I think. :)

I would also say that the industry is getting better about this every day - from strong female roles created by Hilary Swank, Ellen Page, Christina Hendricks, Maggie Q, et al, to more thoughtful high school comedies/dramadies that take a girl's point of view into account, such as "Juno," "Easy A" with Emma Stone, or even "Jennifer's Body" with Megan Fox.

What one quality makes you awesome as an actress?

I like to think it's a quality that makes me an awesome person too - I'm a very good listener. I don't just wait for my co-actors to finish speaking while thinking, "Okay, my line's next! My line is next!" but really try to focus on listening to what is being communicated. I like to think this keeps my own performance on its toes because I'll never know what line will really affect me each time, so nothing is fake or forced (As David Mamet said: invent nothing, deny nothing.) Also, I like to think I have some kick ass comedic timing.

Okay, I'm done giving myself compliments. Two is enough.

Everyone wants a 'successful' career --- but what does success mean to you?

Success means doing what I love, and earning enough money at it to not be scared when I have to pay my bills each month. I'm serious, though - I don't need to be a millionaire, I don't need everyone to know my name. I just want to get up every morning and go to work, feeling useful, creative, and as if I'm putting the gifts I've been given to good use. Who could ask for anything more?

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What Am I Looking For When I'm Casting?

I don't really know, is the answer. I'm just floating around-- looking at everyone whose applied to me, and I'm searching on casting sites, and I'm listening to recommendations--- but I don't have any rules, I don't have any specifics. Just an idea in my head, which actually isn't overbearing-- it's just a guide.

I'm looking to get a feeling, to be swept away in the belief that the person I am looking at could be the one. Especially when I'm casting a lead role in a big project. I don't care where you trained or what your trained in, I don't even really care what your experience is. I'm just looking for a sign-- a sign that you might get what I'm doing, a sign that you are not just looking for a job. Casting isn't placing someone in a role, it's finding the magic password, it's trying to make something spectacular for dinner when all the ingredients look like the same thing. I'm just looking for something to jump out at me.

And I don't mean jump out at me. Like, if an actor writes and over-friendly email or tries too hard to sound amazing, then it's immediately over, I've got no interest. I'm just looking for a human being, someone who could potentially get it. Get what I'm doing. The clues are everywhere-- they're in my job specs, they're in the way I approach people and they're in the way actors present themselves online.

If an actor is tweeting every four minutes about 'projects' and they're writing perfectly crafted emails to me telling me they're perfect for the role, that isn't it, that doesn't excite me. What excites me is the hope that I am not going to stumble across the perfect actor, but that I am going to stumble across my character. That I am going to see the person I wrote, standing right there in front of me.

It's impossible.

But you keep searching until you find it.

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The One Where A Tripod Plate Gives The Kid A Breakdown

Sometimes you really feel like you know yourself. You really have your life, and your mind, figured out. You've dealt with your personal problems, overcome confidence issues-- and life seems like one big bowl of sunshine; a universe full of love and opportunity. It's easy to feel like this when nothing is really happening, and when nothing in particular is going wrong. But then something drastic can happen; like a death, a huge bill, or a small tripod plate going missing.

For those of you that don't know -- a tripod plate is the thing that fixes your camera to the tripod. Okay, you probably all knew that. I have two of these plates, at home; yet they both decided to go missing, leaving me to go completely insane.

It all started last week some time when a guy I know rang me up to ask if I wanted a camera job, as he couldn't do it. My initial thought was "Will this stop me from sitting around watching The West Wing?" which of course it would, but then he mentioned how much I would get paid - so I accepted. Because as much as I ramble on about artistic integrity and the heart of movies, in reality I just want a huge wad of cash.

So I took the job and went back to watching The West Wing and then before you know it today arrives and I'm suddenly very aware that tomorrow I have the shoot. So I go find my equipment. Everything is fine. Apart from the Tripod Plate. Which is missing.

It was actually missing two weeks ago, when I offered to film an audition piece for an actress friend. She thought I was a bit insane when, in between the tripod and the camera I placed a big medical encyclopedia from 1967. Luckily this not only helped stabilize the camera but also enabled me to diagnose her with lumbago. Of course, going out on a professional shoot - it is less acceptable to balance equipment on a medical book, especially as I have a tendency to test people's knowledge of Onychogryphosis.

The plate was missing, but I figured it would be laying around, somewhere. I still believe it is laying around somewhere, probably chilling out and relaxing-- but after a brief, carefree look for it this morning, I suddenly began to go insane. WHERE THE HELL IS THE TRIPOD PLATE? I looked everywhere. Camera bags, in the garage where my old lighting gear is, in my room, in the fridge, in the toaster. Nowhere-- where the hell was it?

Maybe that friend who borrowed my tripod because he was filming a wedding has it? In fact, I was certain he had it. Even though, truthfully; I remember him returning the tripod and the plate, maybe he didn't? Or maybe he did but, when I turned away, stole it back from me. Why would somebody steal a tripod plate when they don't have a tripod or a camera? I don't know, but I was certain he stole it and was ready to phone him up and scream at him just as soon as I took the carpet up to search for the long lost Tripod Plate.

I looked in the same places, again and again. I then text the guy who got me the job to suggest my suddenly genius idea of doing it handheld. He called me back and told me to stop being insane and said "you really need a tripod."

I said "I have one."

And he said "you should use it."

So I said "I will."

And he said "so what's the problem with your tripod?"

And I said "there's no problem with the tripod."

So he said "Why are we having this conversation?"

And I said "because of a tripod plate."

So he said "You don't have one?"

And I said "Actually I have two."

So he asked "What is the problem?"

And I said "I don't know where they are."

I began to panic. What the hell would I do if I didn't find my Tripod Plate? I immediately formulated an emergency plan, but found it hard to concentrate as I took in another episode of The West Wing.

The point of this story, in case you haven't figured it out already; is never, ever, trust a tripod plate.

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