I made a decision about an hour ago, that even though I'm really tired, I wanted to listen to a song before I slept. I'm not really sure what brought this on, but I felt the need for it.
I got into bed and I flicked through my iPhone for a song. I chose 'Mona Lisa's And Mad Hatters' by Elton John. I listened. Really listened. How often do I do this? Not often enough. It's something I always did, all through my life -- I'd be eight years old, with the headphones in the living room listening to my parent's Rod Stewart records, or I'd be fourteen and spend four hours a night rolling the dial back and forth and hitting record the moment I heard great music. Even in the Napster days, I'd spend near enough all of my time discovering and falling in love with music.
But somewhere that stopped happening. I sometimes think I'm really listening, but I'm not; I'm just using a song to make a train ride less boring, or listening to an old favorite to jolt me into a better mood.
What hit me just now, listening to the Elton John song, is that I was really appreciating how great it sounded and how much it was resonating with me. I was even appreciating the sound of it coming out of my iPhone-- it somehow sounded like old radio.
I still see my love for music as a big part of my identity, and so do people who know me. But I think I've been more inclined to lose it, in recent years. It almost feels like wasting time to truly get lost in the flow of music you love. There's a voice that says you should spend time doing work, or writing, or planning something, and it says it's okay to listen to music but only as a companion to what I'm really supposed to be doing. But when did I forget that listening to music IS what I'm supposed to be doing? Springsteen said "we learned more from a three minute record, baby, than we ever learned in school." It's not just school. You learn more from a three minute record than you do from most things.
A YouTube playlist for when I'm researching, or an iPod playlist for when I'm jogging-- these are great things but they're not, really, what it's all about. Can anyone relate to this? I'm so tired and am writing in such a zombie state that i feel like I may actually be dreaming. But I wanted to write about this feeling. It's not just a feeling, it's a part of me, and it's saying "stop writing, and listen to another song."