new york gone

the first time i visited, she was waiting for me at jfk. it's not like i knew her that well but i knew her well enough to know she was one of the special ones. she was opening my world to new york, my home away from home even though i'd never been. and i was only visiting for a week, and i hurt my knee on the first day because i walked too much; and the rest of the week i could barely walk but i walked and walked. and i didn't get along with her that well, because she was busy, and i was a tourist.

and i hung out with this guy i'd met on the plane, we went to hooters and i bought a beer and he bought a coke and we switched so he could drink the beer and then they kicked us out.

and in another year i arrived with a sickness, and my first days were just me hiding in a rented room in brooklyn, waiting to feel better and not knowing that it'd be the best of times before long.

but the first time i visited nyc, the girl who waited for me at jfk waited for me just at the end of the block between where she was studying and where the bar was. and it was my last night in new york and i was late and it was cold and i ran and ran. but that night was a great night, because sitting in the bar on the corner of the block we had that feeling. sometimes you just feel it; just feel the breeze of life and you realize there's good to be got. and outside we hugged and then the yellow taxi came and off i went and off i flew and i was back gone from america.

in some other year i got lost in queens at the weekend with an actor who was showing me around and we must've stayed lost in nowhere for hours because before long we just gave up and went for another coffee. in new york you go for a coffee and everything is okay and you get to know amazing people just drinking coffee.

and i stayed in a room somewhere in brooklyn, and the girl in the room next to me was an artist. we stayed up all night talking. we had such different lives, different worlds, but similar ideas; even though she painted with a brush and i painted with a camera. and we got close for a week or two and then i got gone again and a yellow taxi took me away.

but the girl who waited for me at jfk was always part of nyc. we'd go to cafe lalo and caffe reggio and the yaffa cafe some other cafe where she lived in brooklyn. and we'd talk about what we wanted to write, and we'd stop that so we could eat cake, and we'd talk about new york and talk about her stuff and my stuff and just at that moment when you think someone is cool you get in the taxi and go.

and i remember sitting in my rented room, with the laptop on the bed and me writing and writing because in new york somehow it's loud and obnoxious but totally silent and yours. i was listening to my favourite soundtrack which is so subtle and delicate and it just felt like home, i felt like home, and i'd write and write and the artist was a wall away and i wanted to talk but also wanted to write and tried to balance both but rarely succeeded.

in new york you find that one cafe that speaks your language and you find that one part of town where everyone wants in on your conversation and you want in on theirs. and you can talk to your friend or a street artist or some homeless guy or some woman who's yelling at herself and somehow you see life right in front of you. it's like everywhere else in the world people have barriers and they have their comforts but in new york everyone is just going for it and attacking it and failing and living and anything else.

and the last time i left new york i left all my favourite people. and the guy who showed me around queens moved to la and the guy from the plane could be anywhere now and me and the artist kinda fell out and the girl who waited for me that time in jfk packed up her bags and got gone across the world and now i could go back, and i will go back, but so much is gone.

you capture new york in a particular way. and you have to feel it and capture it and keep your eyes open, because one minute it's there and the next minute it's gone, and it'll never be the same.

more another time

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message in a bottle

There are only a few films that I truly, truly love. But that's enough. Enough for me to know this is what I need to be doing with my life.

Because you know a film can have that impact.

You want to make something like that.

When someone says "what's your film about?", that's never what your film is about. 

It's that feeling in your stomach, your head, your heart, and everywhere in between.

It's that thing that only you feel.

That you've felt since you were a kid.

That feeling unique to you, that makes the days managable and the nights meaningful.

And it's your job to grab it and get it on the page, and find it in actors, and clinch it in the edit.

You write it down, bottle it up, and send your message out into the world. And you hope it floats.

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Four Movies On A Saturday - Just Like Heaven!

"Just Like Heaven" by The Cure was in two of the movies I watched today. I wish it was in all movies but that's probably unrealistic, especially as a lot of movies have already been made.

"Going The Distance" is a pretty standard rom-com flick. But it has a good heart and is very watchable for a Saturday morning. When you want a lazy Saturday morning rom-com all you're really asking for is interesting lead characters, New York City, and a good romantic connection with a few semi-hiccups along the way. That's exactly what this movie does.

"Cyrus" is not as good as "The Puffy Chair" but it still shows the immense talents of the Duplass Brothers. There's some great moments in this film --- I love that these guys love the subtle. Laughs don't have to be big. Observations don't have to be in your face. When they're great, they're unbelievably great, and when they're only very very good, they give you "Cyrus" - which is better than most of what's out there. There's some great moments in this film.

"Jungle Fever" is great. Spike Lee is one of my favorite directors. He really takes subjects by the balls. What I love about this movie is its complexity. When white people make films about race, it's condescending liberal-we're-all-the-same bullshit like "Crash". But Spike Lee is different. This is a film about the diversity within diversity. How the hard part isn't a white guy realising he's attracted to a black girl; the hard part is the white guy following through when all his white friends and family are racist. That's just one example. And what a lot of people don't realize about Spike is that he really looks closely at what it is to be black, at what black culture is and how black people treat each other. It's one thing to be angry about how it's a white world, but what Spike acknowledges time and time again in his films is how the same hierarchical bullshit goes on within the black community. Like it does any community. You can be male, or white, or straight, or whatever -- but it's just not A or B, YES or NO. There's always someone telling you to 'man up!' or "stop being gay" or "stop acting black!" Not enough films delve into this stuff. But Spike does, with race. And it's refreshing. This is still refreshing even though it was made in the nineties. Diversity within diversity. That's something to think about. Even when we're labelled as one thing we're all still so different. Try putting five screenwriters in a room together. It's hell.

"Adventureland" is a movie I love. I just sink right into it. I love every character, every piece of music, every shot, every little moment. That's what a movie does when it sits in your top 10 list. The best films seep into who you are. You're a little bit more interested in an upcoming movie when it features someone who worked on one of your favorites. That's what "Adventureland" has become for me. I feel like I wrote it. Or it was written for me. I relate to all of it even though so much of it has nothing to do with who I am. Movies are fucking magic.

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Things I Hate

Enough of the positive malarkey. Let's get down to the negative.

1. Cinema Staff During A Screening..

..who come in halfway through a movie and sit in front of you and start texting their friends. Not good.

2. Eat Pray Love

Fuckawful film which is like one big advert for white privilege. A rich, married, white American woman decides to do some 'soul-searching' after realising she doesn't love her husband anymore. She pisses off to a bunch of different countries where people are seemingly waiting around ready to be stereotypical of their nationalities.. i.e food loving Italians and Eastern spiritual gurus. Julia Roberts prances around the world picking up bits of wisdom that make her dull yet perfect American lifestyle more meaningful and profound (to her). Never has a film been so condescending, misled and, in many ways, offensive. Absolutely soulless.

3. The 'How can you not have seen...?' shitheads.

You know the ones I mean. The guys who love their piece of Romanian zombie bullshit from 1976 and try to make out you're a lesser person because you haven't seen it. "Oh come on, how can you not have seen it?" Like I give a shit.

4. Actors Who Leave Your Script On The Train.

Unbelievable. The actress gets to the audition and asks for another copy. "I'm sorry I left your script on the train," she says. That's great! Nothing I love more than giving away my passion project to a stranger on a train.

5. People who believe their own hype.

Because hype dies. One minute the newspaper says you're the next big star -or- you get a lead role in a TV show, the next minute you're tending bar. That's the reality. But there's nothing worse than someone who's only just put down the empty glasses who won't return calls or won't be polite because they think they've 'surpassed it.' These people suffer when the hype dies, because everyone remembers. It happens all the time. Don't believe your hype. It's meaningless.

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I'm giving you all a HALL PASS

If a friend, family member,  colleague, or cute member of the opposite sex (or same sex, dependent on your orientation, or mood that day) and asks you to go and see the film "HALL PASS" --- please use the following sentence:

 "The Kid In The Front Row has given me a Hall Pass for HALL PASS, which means I don't have to go."

Immediately after this sentence, turn towards the nearest exit and walk, fast. It'll be okay.

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