The T-Mobile Royal Wedding Video Is GENIUS!

I am so jealous of the people who make these, who conceive of the ideas. This video is absolutely marvellous (I have not used the word marvellous in a long time, and even had to check the spelling).

I wrote about a viral video called Sexy Sax Man a little while ago. I wrote "That's why this video is so funny. Because it's a big fuck you to the man. The Sexy Sax Man is above the law. He's being creative and hilarious in a way we rarely are in our well-planned, carefully constructed lives. He shows a side of us we crave for. He's liberated. And for the five minutes we're watching, we're liberated too." And I think the same things apply to the T-Mobile Royal Wedding Video. 

Sure, everyone will be watching the wedding when it happens tomorrow, but it'll be boring as hell. Loads of Royal people walking into a Church, sitting down, and listening to all the boring stuff. When we're at weddings, we get so bored and just want to get to the meal afterwards-- but tomorrow we're sitting down to watch this and we don't even know the participants. It's crazy.

But this video breaks free of all the Royal rules. We get to imagine a different wedding. And when you think about it --- the wedding could be this way. I mean, why not? Humans came to Earth, just another piece of nature, and then as time went on we got more and more rigid, self-aware, and boring. The way we walk down a street, the way we greet a friend, these aren't natural, they're socially conditioned. It could easily have been that men have ponytails and women kick a ball around a football pitch. But society went a different way. Most of what we do is acting. Acting and restraining. That's how we've decided to live.

So when we see a good viral video, like this one, we see a part of our nature that we oppress. I am not a dancer, not at all; I'm a writer who sits in a corner and avoids conversations. But a part of me would love to come flying down the isle like Prince William does in this video. It's in me somewhere, it's in you too, whether you believe me or not.

And that's the reoccuring theme with viral videos. They're a new art form which expresses the little tiny parts of ourselves that get amused by absurdity, or by betraying authority, or by seeing Prince Charles and Camilla getting their groove on. I guess the lesson is that we should try and inhabit a bit more of the spirit of the characters in this video, but the likelihood is that we won't. 

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The Past Is Gone

I walked past my old primary school today. I think you Americans call it Elementary School. Anyway, it's the place I stopped going to when I was eleven.

It's similar to how it was but it's not the same. They've replaced the windows, built a new classroom and taken out the shed (which I mentioned a few days back in my Steptoe & Son post).

These little pieces of school that existed in my head are gone. They don't exist in the real world, only in my mind. The reality is a building with new windows and a paranoid metal fence. And it means nothing to me. The picture in my head means everything.

Pretty soon everything changes. The years go by and the buildings fall apart and everyone looks twenty years older. And a while after that the buildings are gone and the people are too.

And you capture this image of life and you keep it in your mind because it's the only thing that's real even though it doesn't exist at all.

You can get married or find a soulmate, you can even talk to someone you knew when you were small. But they saw something else. Their lives are a photograph of a place of a town that existed once, and just for a while.

Nothing lasts. It evaporates into thin air. And then it's someone else's turn.

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BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT: Michael Collings

Talent isn't about the fake tan. It's not about being thin. It's not about marketing yourself a certain way. That's what they've been telling us for years, but it's meaningless. If you get the breast implants and create your new 'image' you'll do great, but you'll do great for six months, and then you won't mean anything anymore. You'll capture a moment in time, you'll align yourself with what's selling at the moment; but then you're dead. No-one cares. Fashion moves too quickly.

Real talent is about being yourself. It's about dedication. Michael Collings came on to Britain's Got Talent and he blew EVERYONE away.

Here's what's tricky. Last year, on 'X Factor' - there was a 16 year old girl called Cher Lloyd. And she was fascinating. She had talent and she had a heart. Her singing and style was unconventional. But it wasn't quite honest enough; she wasn't quite sure of who she was, of what she was meant to be - she was searching for an image. This should be fine, because she was sixteen! At that age you should be exploring who you are without becoming a marketing phenomenon. But X Factor ended up taking anything that was unique about the girl and turned her into a bland pop star. As soon as they did that, the magic was gone.

What Michael Collings brought to the show was undeniable. He's not the best looking guy in the world, and as the ever-so-perfect-looking-judge, Amanda Holden quipped, "he looks like he's going on a long haul flight," but five seconds later, the moment he started singing; he connected with the audience in a way that is more profound than all of Amanda Holden's career.


Michael dressed in the way that's most comfortable to him. And when they asked "what is your dream?" he told them about how he wants to tour all over the world-- they looked at him like he was insane; which is a shame, because he said it in such a wonderful and rare way; no ego, no absent minded dreaming, he was just a man with a talent who replied as honestly as he could. 

And he can actually play guitar. 

The timer on the video shows he started singing on 2:08. Before 2:10 hits, the audience react in a massive way. It's a way I can't fully explain. It's not a "wow, you can sing!" cheer, although that is part of it. More than anything, he just hits them in the gut, in the heart. They can hear themselves, and their lives, in his voice. 

And suddenly this guy, this nineteen year old kid on a bullshit talent show; suddenly he is representing all the parts of us that are ugly, that dress badly, that don't quite fit in. And immediately; he's an artist. He's taken who he is and what he's been through, and he's let it all out to an audience. Everyone in the seats are shocked, the presenters, Ant & Dec, are blown away, and the ego's of the judges of talent are knocked down hugely. But I don't mean to make them out to be evil, just human -- that moment on 2:24 when we see Amanda Holden's reaction; she looks beautiful because she's beautiful, because she's vulnerable and human; and we don't always see that with her.

Sure, it's a cover song. But he makes it his own. I didn't even know you could make a Tracy Chapman song your own. But his choice of song says everything about him. He didn't pick a Maroon 5 track or a recent Beyonce hit. He delved into something more meaningful. And it's riskier. The audience was made up of seventeen year olds who, for the most part, probably don't even know the song. But it didn't matter. 

Michael Collins doesn't look like a pop star. He doesn't look like people are meant to look on TV. Instead, he looked and sounded like himself. And I've watched his video about thirty times since I first saw it, because I think he's fantastic, and a reminder of how brilliant we can all be when we be ourselves and do what we are truly capable of. 

"I had a feeling that I belonged."

-Tracy Chapman

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Random 10

1. I missed the beginning of a movie the other day because the guy in the corridor thought I asked for 'Scream 4' when I asked for screen 4.

2. I gave a talk over Skype to a college in Wisconsin a few weeks back, and today I received a thank you card signed by everyone. That absolutely made my day.

3. Easter Egg for breakfast. I'm considering it. Will see how I feel in the morning.

4. I've been resisting but I'm tempted to get on board with this whole Royal Wedding thing. It's a media phenomenon and I guess there's a lot to learn from it. And it's romantic and all that crap.

5. I wrote a blog last night, which I didn't post, because it was weak. This happens quite a lot, whether it's blogging or screenwriting, a lot is garbage. But as this is a random blog post today, here's my unwanted baby:

"3am"

Woah, don't you just love the night? All your problems stay gone for that golden hour at about 3am when it's too late to be tired and too early to be concentrating. You listen to a song and all you have to do in the world is listen to that song.

All your problems are gone, forgotten, left to the daylight. You can really hear the song. And you've found quiet. It's so quiet that you hear everything so loud.

Daylight is about worrying, and making the sale and the compromise and proving you're right and wishing you were wealthier. The nighttime is spent thinking about those things.

But not that moment at 3.14am when you hear the subtle whirrings of life outside your window. Suddenly everything makes sense and peace is yours.

Be happy if you witness this. It's the glory afforded to persistent insomniacs, but only if they're lucky. You can't plan for it or look for it, but once in a while you find the spirit of the night breezing into your life at 3am and it's everything.

6. The producer of my latest project and me have different instincts on everything. I just wanna hide away until the shoot and then get on with the job. But I'm not Woody Allen, I'm not successful enough. I have to chat to investors and be smiley and all that stuff. I'm not so good with that. I mean, I'm passable, but generally uncomfortable.

7. Most of the music I listen to was recorded by the fans in the back of arenas, hiding their microphones from the security staff. There's just something great about live recordings. Not the perfect official releases, but the rareties from some gig in 1997. I think, in an ideal world, I want my films to capture that feeling. That feeling of an extended version of your favourite song, where the band improvise some magic that existed in the moment, for the moment, because of the moment. We're just lucky it got captured. I want to make films that are like that. Somehow.

8. If you make a comedy, your first time will never get the laughs you want. It's a misunderstood art form. It's harder than anything. People will cry before they'll laugh.

There's nothing worse than your jokes dying in a cinema. But it is satisfying when, despite cold silence, one person TOTALLY gets it.

9. Perfect example of the bootleg music. Adam Duritz is singing a Robyn Hitchcock song, 'She Doesn't Exist Anymore' and I didn't realize music coming out of my phone could sound so good.

And this song will break your heart. Especially this version, from this show. Email me and I'll hook you up.

10. I like that you are all here. That you come back. There's so much content on the net. So many people writing about the same things I write about and its amazing to me that you're here. I massively appreciate it and hope I please more than I fail. Thanks for sticking around.

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Jealousy

Jealousy is the strangest beast. It lives inside of almost everyone, and it shapes and effects your relationships, your creativity, and your happiness in ways you can never predict.

And it comes along the minute you start pulling out and doing something different. If you act in a TV show, or write an inspiring article, or get invited to Will & Kate's wedding; sure, some people will be happy for you, some will be supportive, but some will be insanely jealous.

It can manifest itself in wildly different ways. Some people are obvious; they inhabit a wild inner monster and they storm forth criticising your work, denying your abilities, laughing at your efforts. Other times, it's more subtle. It can come as a withdrawal of support. The disappearance of the love.

They're both difficult to deal with. The angry monster version will often retract their words, or say "I only told you you're a talentless writer because I care and because I want the best for you". But of course, they've already attacked, they've bitten into you, only there's no prison for the jealous, apart from their own minds.

Similarly, the passive one who handles their jealousy through silence, through indifference, they're hurting you but in the process; they're also making themselves more miserable. People are jealous when they feel threatened. When they worry you're going to Hollywood and they're not, or your short story won the prize and theirs didn't quite cut it.

We all have it in us. Sometimes we're almost evil, vicious. It's hard to love. It's harder to admire. It's much easier to ridicule, to assume something bad about someone, to paint a picture which allows you to look down upon another.

Jealousy is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you're jealous that someone sold a script, or bought a big boat, or went on a great date; you're jealous because they are the things you want. But the act of jealousy and the horribleness you inflict pushes you further away from your goals.

When someone achieves something, it's a reflection on their talent and dedication. Or maybe it's not, maybe it's luck, or an injustice -- but it has nothing to do with your own journey.

Jealousy is when someone, without provocation, sabotages or criticises something they wish they achieved or owned or had access too. It's their own shit. And if they withdraw their support, you can't take that person's problems personally. You have to let them go, carry on forth. Your support, for the most part, needs to be internal. This industry, and most of life, is full of rejection. It's hard when it comes from people you dislike, it's worse when it comes from someone you respect. But when they're jealous, you know you're really achieving.

As for ourselves, when we see someone doing good work, we need to tell them. Especially when they make our jealous-monster's awaken. Most people who are doing something good, or personal, or meaningful-- they are not getting the support they need. Despite the fantasticness of the lives they are creating, they are met only with the disdain of the envious people around them. Go a different way, tell them how magnificent they are. You'll help them be great, quicker, and you'll feel better inside.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

-Mary Schmich

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