KILLER CUCUMBERS Survival Guide

It was recently reported in the major press, as well as the UK's The Daily Mail, that killer cucumbers and salads are sweeping across Europe and killing lots of people. I have decided to provide a helpful survival guide for those who are concerned that we may be seeing the bloodiest vegetable related conflict ever to sweep through our lands.

1. Do not do any sweeping with vegetables.

2. Do not enter into a conversation with a cucumber unless it is one you have spoken to previously.

3. It has been reported that Salads are also dangerous, although It's unknown precisely which style of salads. Some experts have warned that salads including iceberg lettuce with thousand island dressing may cause symptoms.

4. Killer cucumbers are especially dangerous if frozen and used as weapons.

5. Please be aware that it is not all cucumbers that are evil, only a very small minority of fundamentalists.

6. Wash ALL vegetables.

7. There are an estimated 783 billion vegetables on the planet at any one time, therefore, to wash ALL vegetables, we should start no later than 6am.

8. Do not blame vegetarians. They are to blame for many things but there is no evidence linking them to killer cucumbers.

9. Do not try and kill vegetarians with cucumbers (even if they preach about animal rights in an authoritative tone)

10. If you see a cucumber acting suspiciously, don't eat it.

Care to share?

Tweet

Marilyn Monroe

I just saw on Twitter that it's her birthday. I immediately went to find this YouTube video, which I've seen a heap of times.


It's weird how some people mean more to us. With Marilyn Monroe, like Charlie Chaplin; every time I see them, I feel a certain emotion, a certain connection, that I can't fully comprehend or explain. I remember liking Charlie Chaplin before I even liked Charlie Chaplin. I liked the idea of Chaplin. Of what he represented. Years later, I came to love his work, all of it, but it was hardly a surprise. It was meant to be. 

Elton nailed this song. And the YouTube member 'libysin' has done a perfect editing job. It just breaks your heart a little.  

The thing about Marilyn is that she was SO beautiful. And for the most part, always had a giant smile on her face. But we know how the story ends. It's not with a smile. Yet her smile is so truthful. It seeps right into you.

I don't even know what I'm saying. But I've watched the video three times on repeat. 

"Never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in." 

What a line. 

You can be the most beautiful and famous person in the world, but still, when you come at home at night and need a hug, you don't know who to trust. How can that be? Monroe was as human as the rest of us, but we expected more. I guess that's why it's a sad story. 

Marilyn is a symbol of everything that is beautiful. You don't have to be blonde and sexy to be beautiful; you just need to have a heart. We loved Marilyn's heart more than anything. 

"Goodbye Norma Jean, 
from the young man in the 22nd row, 
who sees you as something more than sexual, 
more than just our Marilyn Monroe".

Except it's not goodbye, because Marilyn Monroe will live forever.

Care to share?

Tweet

How Do You Consume Music These Days?

I am playing around with Last.fm today, realizing I kind of missed the boat, everyone moved on to Spotify. I've ditched iTunes, and have gone through a period of ripping mp3's from videos on YouTube. But the audio quality is bad. And my CD's are gathering dust. 

I'm in transition. I love music, I just don't know how to listen to it. Gone are the days of radio, and gone is the joy of Napster when you'd wait an hour for a song to download, and gone is the CD album. 

I guess what I'm saying is that, as much as I love music, I'm not loving the experience of buying/stealing/listening right now, because I don't really know what I'm doing. I haven't found something that works for me. 

Where are you at?

Regardless of where you are at, personally, I think we are all in transition. The distribution of music is changing, and no-one quite knows how it's going to turn out. 

Care to share?

Tweet

Trees In Trafalgar Square

I never get to be a tourist in my home town. It's hard to appreciate the place you live, the place you grow up. Most of the time London just drives me insane.

Today I'm liking it. The sun is shining, and London feels good. I'm sitting in Trafalgar Square and watching life happening in front of me. There's an old man sitting on a bench who looks completely content and happy. I wonder if that's really how he feels. Teenagers are splashing each other with water from the fountain, a picture of carefree youth. This moment, the days of fountains and sunshine, maybe this very moment that I witnessed will be the very best time in their lives. Fifteen years from now, maybe they'll be longing for another trip to London, with all the freedom and possibility they felt.

I'm sitting up against a wall, somewhere behind me is a guy singing and playing guitar. He's not great, but he sounds perfect for right now. Pleasant enough to be part of the soundtrack and not in any way distracting.

I'm sitting here wondering where all these people are in their lives. Are they on holiday? Are they happy? It gets me wondering about me, as I sit here in between everyone. There's a guy to the left of me; beer, cigarette, and a frown. Maybe he's not having a great day, maybe he finds the crowds here oppressive, but decided to come anyway.

There are trees around the Square, I'd never even noticed that before. There's a lot you don't notice when you're always moving. Do I want to be living a life when I don't even notice the trees? Surely they should be a part of it.

He's singing "Can't Help Falling In Love". His voice is awful, but the song still resonates. It's days like this when you realize you're not sixteen and hanging out at tourist spots for fun anymore, It's someone else's turn now. There's a business man walking through, he looks lost. He's definitely not noticing the trees. Maybe I should point them out to him.

I met a beautiful Brazilian woman here once. She asked me to take her picture, and afterwards she kept talking, there was a connection. But I was already twenty minutes late to meet my ex-girlfriend --who I'd cancelled on four times because I didn't really want to see her-- just so she could apologise for things and take away some of the guilt. I told the Brazilian girl I had to go, and that was that. I wonder how she is. I'm not suggesting I missed out on an epic romance, but maybe we'd have had an amazing coffee. How often do you meet beautiful Brazilian's in Trafalgar Square? Almost never.

The teenagers are gone, the old guy is gone, and the guy with the beer is leaving, only the trees remain. I look at the new bunch of people passing through, they're happy. At least for now, at this hour, on this day in London.

He's singing "I don't want to wait in vain for your love".

Care to share?

Tweet

The Notebook

'The Notebook' is one of those films that a lot of people call their favourite movie and a lot of other people say "uh, It's boring". That's when you know a film is really something, when it has groupies. And I don't mean the type of groupies that 'Twilight' has. That was hyped and sold by the studios & then bought by the teenagers.

But 'The Notebook' affects a certain type of person. Its following built up over the years (and it only came out 7 years ago).

The idea behind the film is that love is the guiding principle of our lives.

The reason most of our lives are a mess is that we can't figure out what it all means. A good movie gives us answers. The main concern of the characters in the movie is their relationships. The love they feel. Everything else is secondary, and for two hours It's the same for us.

The best films aren't realistic, people get that wrong. The best films present an idea, they paint a picture, and they convince us It's real. 'The Notebook' convinces us that love conquers all, that love can achieve anything. There are those of us in the world who, despite evidence to the contrary, believe that love is what matters. How we held onto this notion before cinema, I really don't know.

Care to share?

Tweet