Writing Comedy - A Few Starter Tips

Let's focus on a scene where a woman and man are sitting on a sofa talking. How can we make it funny?

1. The sofa is about to collapse.

2. The woman needs to pee.

3. The man suddenly goes blind.

4. They both go blind at the same time.

5. There's a dead body under the sofa. It's also blind.

6. The man has a fear of sitting.

7. The woman has a fear of men who have a fear of sitting.

8. The man has a fear of sitting and the woman, who's sitting down, has a fear of standing up. The dead body has a fear of neither but refuses to move.

9. The sofa has a fear of people sitting on it.

10. The sofa belongs to the man, who's OCD about stains. The woman is eating a curry. With her hands.

Comedy is everywhere. The ideas above; maybe you found five of them funny, maybe only one or even none. There's no harm in exploring scenerios. That took me fifty seconds to do.

Chaplin used to get on set and just start playing around with props to see what was funny. That's most of what comedy is.

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BOB LEFSETZ on being an ARTIST

When Bob Lefsetz' muse in turned on, there's nobody better than him. A few days back he wrote a post called 'Artists'. Here are some key points.

"As a result of crass commercialism, primarily MTV and now the Silicon Valley rush to riches, our vision of art has been skewed. Money comes first. It’s readily available to he who succeeds, and there are short cuts to ubiquity. But most people employing these short cuts are not art."

"So there are two camps.

One camp is peopled by aggressive individuals who want in. This is the reality television crowd. How can I make myself into a character, push ahead of so many others and get screen time? Remember the art kids in high school? They never grubbed for grades, they never fought to get ahead, they questioned this herd mentality/behavior, they hung back."

"So we have a world where the aggressive, normal people and the desperate poor will do anything to make it, get plastic surgery, change their soul and their sound to fit the desires of the man, of the system.

Ain’t that what "American Idol", "The Voice" and "X Factor" are? Do it my way, I’m an expert. The judge/advisor is no different from the principal, and if you think the art kids listened to the principal, you were home-schooled and have no clue."

"But don’t confuse commercialism with artistry. Most people are just passing through. Their stardom is brief, they’re puppets whose strings are pulled. When their moment is through, they get desultory day jobs or go back to college and move up the corporate ladder. An artist can’t do this. He can go to college to prepare himself to be an artist, but not a doctor, lawyer or manager. And he continues to create irrelevant of success, it’s in him."

"With the crumbling of old institutions, the time of the artist has returned. With less money in music, only the artists persevere, because they’re not in it for the money. There’s a reason why Joni Mitchell is an icon and Vanilla Ice is a joke."

Make sure you read the whole thing here.

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Starbucks Profundity

I'm sitting in a Starbucks just across the road from Tottenham Court Road station, and was just hit by this pang of missing New York. This Starbucks reminds me so much of the one in Manhattan, somewhere between 66 St and Columbus Circle. There are probably twenty Starbucks between those seven streets, yet somehow I'm longing for a particular one.

The cynical thing is to say that all Starbucks are the same and whether you're in London, New York or Japan, Starbucks is Starbucks.

But the way it feels right at this moment is that I could be in New York. The feelings I'm feeling, that longing and comfort and excitement in my mind, it feels like New York, not London.

It seems accidental, and outside of my control. Sometimes I can be so stuck in one place, one idea, one feeling. But sometimes I'm able to be somewhere else in my mind completely.

Right now it's in Starbucks with Bry, somewhere just North of 59th St. He's as good as here. I'm as good as there. The mind is amazing like that, how we can be transported across borders and time. So much of creativity is getting out of your current condition and finding another feeling, another insight, another reality. If only it was as easy as it feels right now.

I've had this all my life. Little pieces of poignancy, where I'm picked up from nowhere and carted off into another world. The lady with the laptop who just looked at me thinks I'm sitting in front of her when really I'm a thousand miles away. I want to step out of the door and take a walk in Central Park. Maybe I will. Whether it's for real or in my imagination, what's the difference?

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Take Risks

On any given day in any given year you meet an actress and she says "I want to develop a one act play about poverty", and you meet a writer who is planning a script about what it was like growing up on a farm, and some guy goes out of his way to tell you about a project he wants to do, taking photographs of all the red phone boxes in London.

Dreams and visions and hopes live in these projects. You fast forward six months or four years and none of the projects are done.

What does it take for someone to get started? How do you stay with it through the hard stuff? What kind of person do you need to be to find your way to the finishing line?

Saying you're thinking of doing something is the easy part. If you want to be someone who finishes a project you have to be someone who finishes the project.

Don't hold out for perfection. No art is ever perfect. But creating something is always more perfect than creating nothing at all. Imperfections and problems breed your very best moments as an artist. Take risks.

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VUE WESTFIELD STATFORD CITY - New Cinema Review

The opening of a brand new cinema is always an exciting thing because we are always being told that cinema is dying. The opening of a 17 screen Vue Cinema in London's Olympic city allows us to believe otherwise. It also gives us something to do while all the corporations and politicians hog the tickets to the Olympic games.

Another thing to consider is that Stratford already has a cinema, the Stratford Picturehouse. And nearby there is also the historic Genesis Cinema, the Rio and many others. There is also a big Cineworld at the o2 (formerly owned by Vue). What impact does this cinema have on other movie theatres?

It's going to have a big impact. The independent cinemas struggle already, and now having a Vue nearby, in Europe's biggest shopping mall no less, is going to attract local cinema-goers, as well as the passers by who are eager for a movie.

Is that totally a bad thing? It's easy to be nostalgic about the Genesis, for example, but which place gives you the best experience?

I visited Stratford Vue Cinema on the opening day. An afternoon screening. It's quite possible I'm the first person who ever sat in that seat. I have to say, it was a very comfortable seat. This is probably because I was in a VIP seat (which I didn't pay for). If I was sitting where I was meant to be sitting I'd have had the first two and a half rows to choose from. The other five or so are for the VIP people. VIP?? Very Important Person?? The only importance these people have is the economic luxury of being comfortable with being conned.

But let me be honest -- I loved the experience. The screen was big, the picture quality perfect, the sound quality the best I've experienced in a long time. The seats were great too -- Vue use a steep seating design, which is like stadium seating, so the person in front is considerably lower than you are, meaning you get a perfect view of the screen. The film was projected flawlessly, I had plenty of leg-room, and because of the steep-seating, people's annoying checking-of-their-Blackberries was obscured from my view. In fact, there was no phone reception in the cinema, so all of that was kept to a minimum. I hope this is always the case!

Vue have done everything right in Stratford. They've mastered the art of the modern multiplex. The problem is, it's still a multiplex. Aside from a few Bollywood selections for the local Asian community, the films they show are hardly surprising. If you're a normal, sane person -- there's not much to complain about. But then if you're someone like me, you'll be craving the smaller cinemas. The old popcorn smell, the uncomfortable seating, the ever changing temperature. It's like football stadiums. The new Wembley sucks. Arsenal's stadium sucks. Everyone craves going to places like Upton Park, White Hart Lane and Anfield. They have history. They're places where you have memorable experiences. You'll never have the best cinematic experience of your life at a Vue chain. That's not what they're about. Vue cinemas are about watching a film and having enough space in your VIP seat to put all your M&S shopping bags. 

I give Vue Westfield Stratford City two ratings. My more objective, fact-based rating, is 8 out of 10. It loses points for the horrid premium seating system and also for having the disabled spaces in the very front row (normally cinemas make better spaces available a bit further back). It also misses out on top points because of the film selection. With 17 screens, they could be a lot more diverse than they are. 

That's my objective rating. 

My personal rating? 6 out of 10. 

The place has no soul! This is not what I love about the cinema! Segregating people based on VIP non-VIP? Cinema should never be about exclusion. People come to the cinema to get away from their problems, not to be reminded that they're poor. People getting standard tickets are stuck in the front couple of rows, the richer people sit further back. 

Ever been in screen one at the Cineworld Haymarket? Or spent a night at the Genesis? You're not just watching film, you're partaking in an event. A ritual. A place that feels like a place for films. You know you're in for a treat, because films are something special there. Watching films in a shopping mall is not the same. And sure I'm biased, I feel protective of the little guys. I hope the Stratford Picturehouse will survive. Maybe it'll drive them to commit to showing more alternative programming -- world cinema and independent movies. They can build up their reputation during the Olympics. Show the world what cinema is really about, rather than trying to prize people away from Vue with the same 'Transformers 4' or whatever's out next year. The Prince Charles Cinema in the West End has shown that being alternative and independent can work in the over-crowded multiplex market.

Inside the Prince Charles Cinema 

If you find yourself in East London, I'll understand if you want to visit Vue, and I won't judge you. After all, I'll be there sometimes too. But just remember what you're doing. If we're not careful, we'll kill what we love about cinema. The Rio opened in 1909. The Genesis has been a venue for entertainment for over 150 years. Keep your clothes shopping and your cinema viewing separate if you can.

Empire Cinema, 1946. Now known as The Genesis Cinema.

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