Final Scene From My New Screenplay

I was just about to put the finishing touches to my new screenplay, a heartfelt rom-com, when my lead male charcter, Eric, forgot he was in a rom-com and suddenly thought he was in the middle of an action film where he had to relieve the NYPD of their duties.

What follows is the dialogue from the final scene.

ABBY

I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 

ERIC

Me too, you're my whole world. 

ABBY

Let's go and live in the mountains and have children together. 

ERIC

What's this? 

ABBY

What's what?

 ERIC

Why did you let them on the scene? Where's Maddox?

ABBY

What do you mean? I'm saying that we should start a family together. 

ERIC

You can go home now, we've got it from here. 

ABBY

Who's got what?

ERIC 

FBI. This is our jurisdiction. Get outta here. 

ABBY

Eric; you're confusing me. I love you -- 

ERIC 

Yeah yeah, I get it. Six murders in three weeks and you think I'm gonna leave you alone with the body? Give me a break, Jones. 

ABBY

Eric; you're scaring me. 

ERIC 

Scaring you, Jones?

ABBY

Ohhhh, I get it. You want to call our first kids Maddox and Jones. I could get used to that. 

ERIC

Two sugars. 

ABBY

What?

ERIC

In my coffee. Two sugars, thanks.

ABBY

But you don't drink coffee. 

ERIC 

Two sugars and call Maddox, Jones. 

ABBY

This is the final scene of a rom-com, what is wrong with you?

ERIC 

Do I look like someone who'd be in a rom-com to you? Would I be chewing gum like this if it was the final scene of a rom-com?  Would I be carrying a gun?

ABBY

You don't have a gun.

ERIC

Listen, Kid. You're a good cop, but I've been on this job for 36 years. 

ABBY

You're 23. 

ERIC 

What Jones? 

ABBY

You're 23.

ERIC
Don't mess with me.

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KRISTEN WIIG in 'BRIDESMAIDS' - The WRITING and ACTING of 'ANNIE WALKER'

There was a lot of hype about 'Bridesmaids' when it came out. Article after article about how it was going to change the industry. But just because a few black men are in politics now, it doesn't mean hundreds of years of institutional racism vanish. Likewise, the fact that a few male producers enabled two women to write a movie and have a female cast; it doesn't mean it's suddenly an even playing field.

But I wish it was. Because women are great at making movies. They're great when they step out of the restrictive chick-flick genre; because when films like 'Sex & The City' get made, I'd rather keep male privilege rolling for another hundred years. But films like 'Bridesmaids' and 'Whip It' - to give two examples (albeit light-comedy examples) show that there is a whole voice missing from cinema, a whole gender's perspective to be truly explored. The history of cinema is, by and large, the history of male storytelling.

In June 2009 I wrote a blog called 'Men Only' in which I said, among other things, "I love women on screen, they're an important part of films; but it's very rare that I find them interesting enough to carry a film as the lead. What's that about?"

And I want you to know I fully retract everything I said in that article. I was wrong, and my views have changed considerably.

A perfect example of great acting is Kristen Wiig in 'Bridesmaids'.



When you're watching a comedy, you rarely think about its complexity. You just have a good time and wait for the next laugh to come. Wiig's character, Annie Walker, was amazingly written and acted; a stunning performance from the lead actress. Not only is it worth noting -- I think it's worth exploring further.

Annie Walker was vulnerable and fragile throughout the whole film. At the beginning we find out that her business attempt, opening a bakery during the recession, has failed. When it did, her boyfriend left. Her best friend is getting married and her love life consists of casual sex with a man who doesn't listen to her, doesn't care about her needs, and doesn't want her sticking around for the night.

You cling on to anything when you're down. Annie clings on to her best friend, Lillian (Maya Rudolph) who is also getting married. There's a touching scene when Lillian announces she's getting married and asks Annie to be the bridesmaid. Of course, she says yes -- but only seconds later, as Lillian chats on the phone to her fiance we see Annie sitting there trying to hide her loneliness.

The supporting characters in a film all give us information about the main character. It's done to maximum effect in this film when the gorgeous, rich, youthful and seemingly perfect Helen immediately makes Annie feel bad about herself. With just a look in her eyes we can see she feels old and under threat. We can all relate to it. We've all had a friend bring along a new friend and we feel all threatened and insecure about their in-jokes.

Wiig is noted for her comedic talents, which are undeniable. But the core of this movie is actually carried by her dramatic abilities. Those moments in between the laughs -- little snapshots of her character that lived outside of the writing.

A great example is the scene where she makes a cupcake in her apartment. She takes the time to make a perfect cake, which she bakes and decorates to perfection. She places it carefully on the table, on its own ---- before picking it up and scoffing it down herself. What a great, unique way to show loneliness! Lesser writers would have had her calling someone up and saying 'I'm lonely' or listening to 'All By Myself' -- here we just have her eating a cupcake, and it tells us everything.

I can't think of any other character in recent film history who shows the anxiety of insecurity and fear as well as Annie Walker does here. The writers really kept hitting this home, scene after scene. The airplane scene, renowned for her hilarious drunkenness and for Megan's (Melissa McCarthey's) conversation with the Air Marshall; also carries a lot of dramatic weight in that in cements the gap that is increasing between Annie and her best friend, which is being made worse by the fact Lillian and Helen are getting closer and closer as friends (due to her failings). They are in first class, while she is stuck in coach.

After Annie's mad, drunken behavior on the plane; Lillian suggests that maybe being the Bridesmaid is too much for her. Of course; this is the thing she'd always feared. Of not being enough, of not being able to do a good job, of not being able to be a great friend. That's what insecurity does, renders you ineffective and makes your worst fears come true. It's that vulnerability that Wiig manages to portray so truthfully. 

The sadness of the character is what makes it so compelling. It's what grips you. The funny situations she gets in have a weight to them because they're rooted in realism, no matter how absurd they are. We can relate. I can relate, and I'm a man. That's why all this men-only-in-leading-roles is bullshit, because we're all human beings, and our problems are universal.

The writing takes a great turn in that she begins to get what she needs: a good man (Chris O'Dowd as Officer Nathan Rhodes). Yet she runs from it. Can't handle it. Things have been going wrong for so long, what the hell do you do when something right comes along? There's a simple scene afterwards when she phones Lillian and says she doesn't have a clue what she's doing, it's the most truthful moment of the movie. Truthful because, in life, so often we don't know what we're doing. 

After all this -- she's lost. Lost her center, the thing that makes her herself. She loses her job in the jewelry store after calling a customer a cu*t, she's ignoring Nathan (without really knowing why), and she's asked to move out by her English roommates. What makes it so satisfying, dramatically, is that we feel for her -- she's a good woman, doing her best; yet again and again she's failing. We can all relate to it because that's how the world works.

Comedy is better when you relate to it, when it has reality as a basis. Or not even as a basis, it just needs something in there that's authentic. That's why 'The Other Guys' sucked. Absurd is fine, but you need a center; a place to jump off from. 'Bridesmaids' took care of these details and that's why it's superior to most of the comedies of recent years.

Then there's the bridal shower, which she's invited to despite being demoted from her Bridesmaid duties. She's a good friend and a proud person, so she makes sure she's there. She loves her friend. We see this when she gives her a present, a touchingly personal gift -- a collection of things from back home in Milwaukee, along with a photo montage from their younger days.

And then rich-and-perfect Helen buys Lillian a trip to Paris; an idea which stemmed from a conversation with Annie about how much Lillian likes Paris. Annie is heartbroken -- it's an extremely bitchy and manipulative move from Helen; which we the audience can see, and our hero Annie can see -- but the guests at the party can't. 

What follows is Annie going absolutely crazy; wrecking the garden and smashing things to pieces. It's a hilarious yet cringeworthy scene; but powerful because we feel her sense of injustice. Yet dramatically, she's ruining her best friend's wedding experience. The complex blend of comedy, sadness, and the righteousness of the other characters is brilliantly handled.




The Writing of the film, by Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, with the watchful eye of Judd Apatow; is the core of what makes this film great. Each event, each scene, drives Annie further and further away from her best friend, and from herself. It's rooted in truth; we can relate to what's happening because we'd want to react just like she does. Even the parts of the film that are over the top and ridiculous, we're still there-- because the characters are so true. 


It's the acting of the film that brings it home. The best actors are able to do two opposite things on screen. It's why people pay Robert Downey Jr so much money, and it's why we all loved Jack Lemmon. Kristen Wiig has a touch of that magic. She knows how to get the laugh -- years at the Groundlings Theatre, and live SNL performances, and the multitude of ridiculous jobs before she 'made it' have helped shape the comedic talent that she is. What makes her performance in 'Bridesmaids' stand out, is how layered it is. We laugh at the comedy, but it's the heart and honesty we connect with. 

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Tinker Tailor Soldier Blogs

The Critical Escapist has only written two posts so far. And they were both in September. It's risky for me to recommend this blog, because there's no guarantee the writer will still be posting articles a week or a year from now, but then I guess that's true of everyone. The Critical Escapist is, by her own definition, "an average teenage film lover who has to Wiki 90% of filmmaking terms and IMDb the names of 70% of French New Wave directors. Beware." -- This makes me like her already. I always get along best with people who are less concerned about the definitions and names of French directors, or more driven by what they're excited about. Her first post, 'In Defense Of The Blockbusters' is a spirited argument; full of truths and insight; along with a little wisdom from her Father: "if something was beloved by millions, there must be a reason". In her second post, 'All Hail Scorcese' she speaks of her love for Martin Scorcese's work. These are two great posts, from an interesting young voice, and I hope there'll be more. Maybe a few comments from you will help her see that people are paying attention. 

The problem with most film blogs, is that they're just people reviewing films. There's no style, no uniqueness; just a generation of internet people who want to get hired by newspapers, so they perfect their skills at writing mind-numbing reviews. Reviews are boring, critics are boring; that's why it's great when you find a real voice. Okinawa Assault  is a blog brimming with energy and passion. The writer also pens reviews for Anomalous Material, but his reviews there are rarely as interesting. He's best in his own domain, writing whatever random stuff comes to his attention.  His fascinating take on 'Super Size Me' is a wonderful read, even though I lost interest in that film eight years ago. Having the freedom to review a film in an unorthodox way, like with 'Drive', is also a common thing on Okinawa Assault, and it's what I love. When critics write for newspapers or big websites, they have to pretend they're in the mood, that they're always paying attention, that they have authority and know what is going on. Writers like Okinawa Assault are really freeing -- because they give it to you how it really is, based on how they are really feeing. It's refreshing. 

I'm not sure what I'm meant to call the next blog -- Screen Speak? Final Cut? Filmgeek? Either way -- check it out. Emma's blog isn't constantly as updated, like most; but when she does -- it's worth taking a lot. She's a very generous blogger, always championing other bloggers that she finds. Her posts often feel like a mish-mash of things, where she's sharing recent curiosities and fascinations. Here's her post from 3rd September where she shared some thoughts on the Toronto Film Festival 2011. 

I think I may have shared Robby Cress' Dear Old Hollywood before, but it's worth doing again. He visits locations from old movies and takes pictures of how they look now. He comes back and posts them together, giving us a fascinating insight into how things change, or perhaps how they stay the same. In February 2009, he revisited The Chaplin Film Studios and in July 2009, he hunted down filming locations from Chaplin's 'City Lights'. These posts are a great place to start.

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The Great Buck Howard

I'm going to tell you a secret. I like films that don't have a lot of conflict. The ones that swim on by, where the issues they face are subtle ones that require the complexity of human emotion to pull them through. Just like life. How often do we fly off the handle, get into fist fights, or blow shit up?

Hardly ever. 

Life is more subtle and I like it when films are too. I'm in a minority; because the box office shows that people want monkeys jumping off of bridges and big metal oversized toys knocking over buildings in Manhattan. I always liked Rom-Coms. Of course, society says that those films are for the women -- but so what if I like watching 'One Fine Day'. Relationships are fascinating, and I like the comedy. Even though things will work out, I like seeing what obstacles they'll get over to make it. But I like the obstacles to be about the characters -- it's takes real talent to create characters we care about.

'The Great Buck Howard' is one of those films where not a lot happens. A character called Buck Howard, played to perfection by John Malkovich, is a has-been entertainer -- a hypnotist and a 'mentalist', who refuses to acknowledge that his time is up, he's finished. His road manager, Troy Gable, is played by Colin Hanks. Most of the film is the two of them going from town to town as Buck Howard performs his show. Not a lot more happens. Yet a lot happens. I know that makes no sense but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Colin's role is one that his father, Tom, would have done in the 1980's. I saw a comment on IMDB where someone said "Tom, stop trying to make your son the next you!", and when you watch this, it's hard to deny, because they're so alike. Sadly, Colin isn't Tom. He doesn't have that magic. But that's fine -- Tom was the everyman loveable genius on the 80's and 90's. Colin is a fine actor but he'll be something different.

Tom Hanks was always my favorite actor. That's not true these days, I don't think; because I feel like he's lost himself a bit. Or maybe Hollywood has lost him, because once you get past forty-five it's harder to get the great roles. You have to reinvent yourself. That's okay for most actors, but not for Hanks -- because he's our everyman; we just want him to be himself. 

But there is a side of Tom Hanks I really love. It's the version of him we get in 'You've Got Mail' and on Letterman appearances. An all-round good guy, a laugh, a hoot - someone who enjoys the magic of life. I like that version of Hanks. We saw it with 'That Thing You Do' - a lightweight comedy that he wrote and directed; full of the playful equilibrium I enjoy in movies. And we see it here with 'The Great Buck Howard' - a film he produced and financed through his company, Playtone. It's directed by Sean McGinly, a director who caught the attention of Hanks with his film 'Two Days'. The film is packed with Hanks' friends and regular collaborators; including Steve Zahn (Actor: You've Got Mail, That Thing You Do, From The Earth To The Moon), Playtone Co-Founder Gary Goetzman (Producer: Larry Crowne, The Pacific, Charlie Wilson's War) and numerous others. 

It's one of those films that you just sink into. A fascinating title character in Buck Howard, coming to terms with his fading popularity; and Troy trying to figure his own life out -- with a little help from an unexpected love interest; Valerie Brennan (Emily Blunt). Predictable? In some ways. But most films are predictable. We can go one of two ways; make crazy films like 'Inception' or stylish nonsense like 'Donnie Darko', or we can go deeper in the small and personal stories that fascinate us. Most people will choose the former, but I'm going to stand up for the latter. 

'The Great Buck Howard' is not a great movie. You'll only watch it the once. But that's enough; it's one of those films with engaging characters and a well paced story that does just enough to allow you to fly away into its world for an hour and a half. That's more than enough for me -- and it's actually quite rare. It's also fun to see Tom Hanks in a small role (he has two scenes; as the Father of his real-and-fictional-son.)

This is a film you probably didn't know about, because there are a lot of films you don't know about because they don't get wide releases, because they're not a safe bet. They disappear into nothing unless we dig them out. But it's great they exist -- there are so many little gems out there, full of our favourite actors. There are people out there who like stories and interesting characters and relationships rather than high concept plots and car crashes. It's good to know they exist. 

Do you know the film 'The Moguls'? It was also called 'The Amateurs' for a while. It's a comedy about a small community who are fed up with their lot in life -- so they come together to make a porn film. Sounds tasteless and crude, right? But it's not. It's a heart-warming tale, full of great performances and big laughs. It stars Jeff Bridges, Ted Danson, Patrick Fugit, Jeanne Tripplehorn and many others. 

These films exist. It's good to remind ourselves of that. I tend to enjoy them more than the big budget FBI-world-ending things. And I know I'm not alone. Check these films out if what I say resonates with you at all!

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Make You Feel My Love

I can't get enough of this song. This is why Bob Dylan is a genius. It's why anyone who is passionate about music appreciates him. Adele certainly does. She made 'Make You Feel My Love' her own. It has a sadness and a world weariness that the original doesn't capture. I've been listening to both versions repeatedly. I love them both but for different reasons -- because they both carry different messages. 

Songs are a bit like movies. The Dylan version of the song was written & directed by Bob Dylan, but the other version was written by Dylan and directed by Adele. It's her version. It works and it keeps you up at night listening on repeat because she's an artist, she's putting herself into the music -- all of those years of singing, of having her heart broken, of perfecting her art -- they're present and alive in the song. You don't get that with X Factor contestants. They may sound beautiful for four minutes but then you don't care anymore. 

The Dylan version is genius. It's resolute and assured. Dylan knows who he is, knows what he has to offer. He sings: 

"I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong"

And you trust him. You believe him. He'd never let her down.  

Both versions are masterpieces -- that's the rarest thing. It works because they're so different, despite being almost the same. It's the subtleties, the nuance, the tiny moments of honesty in their voices. 

The best line is "You ain’t seen nothing like me yet", it's the type of thing we think when we're feeling good about ourselves; when we're firing forth with confidence and self-belief. At least; that's how it is with the Dylan version. He says it with certainty, even a touch of arrogance. 

When Adele sings the line, she sounds vulnerable. You just want to give her a big hug. It reminds me of an old girlfriend --  A few years back I was going out with a lovely woman; and the sad thing was that she liked me more than I did her. And the worst part was how aware she was of that fact. And I remember, as she felt me pulling away from what we had, she told me that I'd never have another girlfriend like her, because she's the real deal and there's no-one better than her. It's not as arrogant as it sounds, she just loved me. But she didn't really believe what she said and neither did I. Things were ending. And that's how Adele sounds when she sings "You ain’t seen nothing like me yet"; it's like she doesn't quite believe it. 

That's how it sounds to me -- but my ears are colored by my own thoughts and experiences. That's why art is so subjective, we all see and hear things differently. 

It sounds to me like Bob Dylan is patiently making his love realise he's the one for her, whereas Adele is poignantly and regretably losing the love of her life and not quite accepting it.

At least, that's how these songs sound to me on this particular night. They'll mean something else next time, and that's how you know they're keepers.

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