FRIENDS WITH KIDS - The Scene That Made It All Worth It

Sometimes the concept can get in the way of the story.

'Friends with Kids' has a concept that it struggles to handle. The concept is: Two friends, who have no attraction to each other but have never found the 'right one', decide to have a baby together (because they both want kids). They share the responsibility, and they are both free to go on dating and living their lives, without having a depressing marriage that's ruined by kids -- like all of their friends.

Having a good concept is important, and this one is intriguing. But Jennifer Westfeldt (the writer, director and star) has a hard time taking us there.

Let me skip ahead and say: some of this film is fantastic. The latter end of the film really resonates and has a lot of truths about life, and it's acted and directed wonderfully.

But it takes a huge leap of faith to get there, because the first half of the movie is trying to sell the concept to us. It's played out like a quirky rom-com, where the two main characters help each other with their dating and sex lives, while always being a little bit above their friends by staying a little detached.

BUT WE KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO END UP TOGETHER!

Of course, we always know that in these types of films. But you gotta give us a reason why they might NOT end up together, they need some road blocks in the way. Julie (Jennifer Westfeldt) and Jason (Adam Scott) have a child together, they care deeply about each other, they're best friends and they're beautiful people --- we know where it's headed, no surprises. So when they then they go out dating-- they're fooling no-one, apart from theirselves. But it's really hard for the audience to buy that!

But the film gets great.

Julie meets a great guy, Kurt (Ed Burns), and Jason begins dating an actress, Mary Jane (Megan Fox). Meanwhile, they have a kid to raise. What makes it interesting is the layers, the complexities. Kurt is a normal guy, who struggles to grasp their set-up. Mary Jane is a young sexy actress, and Jason's wiping baby shit off his clothes. Suddenly -- the dynamic feels real, it feels honest. It takes half of the movie for the concept to actually work.

The golden scene is the dinner scene.

Jason and Julie were always judgemental of their friends and their lifestyles -- they had a problem with how ordinary and dysfunctional they were. But now their relationships are struggling, and they're trying to bring a child up in this mad way. It all comes to a head at dinner - when every relationship at the table implodes.

Everyone is unhappy. Everyone has resentments. Suddenly this feels like life!

It's handled beautifully. Kristen Wiig puts the comedy aside and takes us to the heart of matters. And Jon Hamm is so good and so harsh that he's PAINFUL to watch. The characters are protecting each other one moment, and then ruining each other the next. The complexity is riveting.

There are ghosts in the room. Ghosts of all the things they've never said to each other. You ever had that? A group of friends, or family, and the conflict is simply this: no-one says what they really feel! I remember a few years back I was going through a really difficult time with one of my best friends, because we just didn't grasp each other. I saw him as this guy who got old before his time, caring about wallpaper and a mortgage rather than life! And he saw me as this wishy washy film kid who was sitting at home all day watching movies. We were both wrong! But we only realised this when we talked about it. There's always more to the story.

The real ghost in the room is the love between Julia and Jason. Luckily, by now it is REAL and COMPLEX, and the quirky bullshit rom-com of the first quarter of the film has literally vanished, and it's all the better for it.

Whoever you are, you'll see yourself in this room. Are you Kurt (Ed Burns), the practical guy who is trying to figure out the nuts and bolts of the arrangement? Are you Ben (Jon Hamm) who thinks they're irresponsible? Are you Leslie (Maya Rudolph) who's trying to brush over everything and pretend there's no problem? Or are you the nice guy, Alex (Chris O'Dowd), who's not really strong enough to get involved and have an opinion?

And then the ghost gets addressed.

It starts with Ben challenging them:

BEN 

Seriously, you guys didn't think ANY of this through. You made a totally irresponsible decision, about a kid! And yeah Joe is fine, now, he's 1. But you really think he's going to be okay when he finds out his parents never loved him, even when they had him? 

Jason gets defensive, he challenges them about their own kid.

JASON 

You really think Troy's doing great around two people who fucking hate each other? 

They're attacking each other, they're fighting, and you can't take your eyes of it. But the bickering and shouting and judgements are futile. And then it happens.

JASON

You think that I haven't thought this through? You think that we don't love each other? I have loved this girl for 19 years, Ben. That is fully half my life. I know everything there is to know about her. I know the mood she's in when she wakes up in the morning. Always happy, ready for the day, can you imagine? I know that she is honest, she won't even take the little shampoo bottles from the hotel room, or sneak into the movie theater for a double feature, she always buys a second ticket-- always. I know that we have the same values. We have the same tastes, we have the same sense of humour. I know that we both think that organised religion is completely full of shit. I know that if she is ever paralysed from the neck down she would like me to unplug her, and I will. I know her position on just about everything, and I am on board. I am on board with everything about her. So you tell me Ben, what better woman could I have picked to be the Mother of my child, seriously? What more responsible choice could I have made? Fucking Prick. 

There's more to the scene. I don't want to spoil everything. It's that complexity and honesty, not just between the lead characters but the whole ensemble, that makes everything suddenly fascinating. Ultimately, that is what makes Jennifer Westfeldt's work interesting: the honesty. It was the same with 'Kissing Jessica Stein', a film about a straight woman who suddenly finds an interest in a another woman. The concept wasn't a clever as it thought it was, but the honest moments still found their way through.

Maybe this is what Jennifer needs to do to get funding, to do films independently of the studios. Has to cook up an 'out there' concept. Ultimately, 'Friends with Kids' repeatedly struggles with its concept. Yet within it, there are some hugely brilliant moments in it that capture who we are as adults, parents, and people who don't want to get old. 

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A Pro Goes To The Track Alone

I'm reading 'Post Office', the Charles Bukowski novel. This bit really hit me. He's talking about trying to focus on the racing, when all the other men are focusing on the girl he's with.

"But fighting the wolves and the horses at the same time  was too much for me. I kept losing. A pro goes to the track alone. I knew that. But I thought maybe I was exceptional. I found out that I wasn't exceptional at all. I could lose my money as fast as anybody."

He's talking about the horses and gambling, but it resonated with me in a different way. I love that phrase. A pro goes to the track alone. What does he mean? In literature, we don't know what anyone means, we only know what we think it means (apologies if I just denounced English Literature studies in one sentence.)

It got me thinking about what it takes to make it in the film industry. I remember a big day for me: the day I decided to go to the cinema on my own for the first time. I know people who would never do that, because they'd feel like a social outcast. But if you're gonna direct or write or act, you need to go to the cinema on your own every chance you get. Because that's YOU, up on the screen. That's what you're about, it's what you're after, it's where you're going. The more you're there, the more you understand it. The more you get closer to who you are, the more you become a kid in the front row. 

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about doing everything yourself. Because you can't get anywhere without collaboration in this industry. I'm talking about an attitude. About getting up and saying "This is what I do! This is who I am!", and so often when you do that you have to stand alone, at least at first. 

Ahhh but you know, as I write this blog I feel the meaning slipping away from me. A pro goes to the track alone. The sentence means something to me that I can't put into words. When I do, it gets diluted. 

I think I'm talking about the focus that Ayrton Senna had to be a racing driver. Or the dedication that David Beckham had to stay after training when everyone else had gone home. There are certain things you have to do after everyone else has left the building. That's what defines you. When people leave the studio, you stay to work on the track for another hour. When everyone else is poking on Facebook, you're refining your script.

"The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me. But if we get on the treadmill together, there's two things: You're getting off first, or I'm going to die. It's really that simple, right?"

-Will Smith

Come to think of it, the meaning of the line and where it has led me are completely different, but I'm happy with that. I'm more interested in the journey, in the associations rather than the actual definitions. That's why they told me I wouldn't be a writer in school, that's why I sucked when it came to my studies, because I didn't agree with the rules. 

I was in a lecture once and they started analysing a Chaplin film, saying that the way he walked across the bridge and approached a girl was symbolic or a metaphor or some nonsense. I told the lecturer that he was full of shit and ruining what I loved about films. I never studied films again, at least not in an academic setting. 

So I went to the track alone. 

And I'm enjoying the journey. 

If you want to be a pro, you have to do it your own way. 

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A Virtual Road Trip

I have some good availability in the coming days. I thought it might be nice to take a trip to some other websites and blogs and write something for them. Will be nice to write something fresh and different.

Whether you're a giant film site or a tiny blog about cats, get in touch if you'd like me to write for you! It'll be fun, a two day web-based road trip.

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Over-Crowdedness

The opposite of productivity isn't laziness, at least not with me. It's over-crowdedness. And not in some cool I've got so many ideas way.

Just crowded like the London trains during rush hour. You're crammed in tight, and you have to put up with it if you're gonna get through the journey to the other side.

The brain is cluttered, in part with ideas, but a huge part of the clutter is just bullshit. Noise. Like I'll obsess over an email from three days ago but then I realise I can't even remember what the email was, I'm just fixating on a figment.

You don't sleep because you feel like you should be somewhere. And you don't stop looking around cause you feel like there's someone you're meant to know who you haven't met yet. The problem with being over-crowded is that you just don't get anywhere.

So you clutter up on de-cluttering techniques and meditation and whatever makes you feel good about yourself. But with me it's not even specific clutter, it's just my brain running around a bit lost like the London Transport System on a weekend when half the trains are being repaired and no-one knows how to get anywhere.

Part of it is that I have lots of ideas. Lots to say. I just don't know what any of it is. Sometimes the brain just wants to force out the junk, it's like selling loads of crap at a yard sale that nobody really wants but someone will pick it up anyway. I guess that's what these recent blog posts are, bullshit that I'm forcing you loyal readers to sit through.

It's relevant, because I've always done my best to blog honestly about creativity. Sometimes I write cheesy 'we can achieve anything' posts and sometimes I write depressive stuff about being blocked. And sometimes I write about being over-crowded. I'm just trying to share a bit of everything. I don't know if it makes sense and I'm not sure if it matters.

Creativity isn't a flowing river. It's not something that arrives every morning. I mean sure, the gurus say it is, but we're human beings and everything ebbs and flows. Over-crowdedness is just where I am on this day. It could mean 'rest', it could mean 'listen to all ideas', it could mean 'write something insane!', it could mean nothing. All I can do is be along for the journey. I'm not looking for advice or your ideas, I'm not suffering, I'm just in the middle of a process and I'm doing my best to describe it.

I'll get back to reviewing shit studio movies soon.

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Blank Slate

Sometimes I want a blank slate. A clean brain without my outlook, prejudices and self-criticisms.

Maybe it'd be more romantic, or risky. Maybe it'd know how to spell necessary without using spellcheck.

Sometimes I think that's what creativity is. You don't look for an insight, you just look for an empty room inside your head, some place that hasn't been decided yet.

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