Between What's Flesh and What's Fantasy: The Effect of Film and TV on my Relationships

I have always been inclined to watch the more down to earth, 'realistic' films. Not that such a thing exists, but that's always been where my interest lies. I'm interested in human relationships. And of course, when you love a TV show or film, you tend to say "I relate to that". You see yourself in C.C Baxter or Ross Geller or Annie Hall, and it means something to you.

The characters on the screen get resolution. They figure things out inside of two hours. You begin to get used to seeing relationships resolved in this way. And that leads us to my central problem when it comes to my relationships, especially with women.

I over-romanticise them. See them as more than they are. 

I have always seen life as being like a movie. Struggles and conflicts with an over-arching theme, where we all come together in the end. This view is often how I've conceptualised my relationships, and I'm now realising how nonsensical it is. It hit me a few weeks ago, on the train. I'd convinced myself that a beautiful woman on the carriage was interested in me. And then it dawned on me, that I think this nearly every day, and convince myself that these intriguing looking women on the tube are attracted to me, when in reality they haven't noticed me. I realised this is a pattern I have repeated in my head for years and years. You could say it's healthy daydreaming, or a way to pass time on the commute, but it's not. And there's always the disappointment of course when they leave the train and it dawns on you that they're completely unaware of your existence.

Then there's the women I do actually know. And I guess because most of the friends I make these days tend to be in my industry, a lot of them are beautiful actresses. I over-romanticise these relationships to hilarious effect. I like to believe I often have a 'special' relationship with people. That somehow things mean more between us than perhaps they do with other people.

In these past few weeks I have been taking myself to task on these nonsensical pathological thought processes; digging deeper into the inner workings of my mind, especially regarding relationships. It's my ego, liking to see me as special in some way, like the people in my life have some special bond to me.

I always loved 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Ally McBeal'. I still do. In the Creek, hearts would break and people would hurt, but at the end of the episode they'd walk down to the lake and share their feelings and true intentions, to the sound of lovely piano music. In McBeal, John Cage or Billy Thomas would come back to the office at night to check in on Ally, and together they'd share a profound moment, where life made total sense.

I have been chasing these moments all of my adult life, but they don't exist, because they aren't real.

And they stop me doing the work! Stop me paying attention to what's really happening in front of me with other human beings. I float along in a fantasy land believing, despite my disconnect with a person, that deep down we get each other, or need each other.

I have been caught out numerous times when it comes to love. I add up all the numbers and see connection and meaning in places where it doesn't exist. I believe in this old world romance, which in the reality of the moment exists only in my brain. Rather than have true, in the moment relationships, I dream them up; fractured and lost from what's really happening in front of us, I instead live out a romanticised version that I created in my head, which is nothing more than a repeated pattern, an ingrained delusion.

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Brain Craze

Write something!

But I have nothing to say right now. 

There must be something! Write about the film you just watched. Write about the changing face of film distribution. Write that short story about two people who meet by chance in a cinema. 

I keep trying to write them, but there's no juice right now!

A good writer writes every day. 

I need to refuel sometimes!

You are not as successful as you should be, you don't get successful unless you write the amazing material!

You also don't get successful if you burn out by constantly churning things out! 

So you want rest?

I want rest. 

But you're always resting! 

No I'm not. You're always in my head, you never let me chill!

Then go rest. Go for a walk in the field. Go do it now. Go get some nature and find it inspiring then turn it into a story and a screenplay and get a new agent and start production. 

You're not making me feel rested. 

There are great writers who never rested! There were great writers in concentration camps! People just write write write; yet you need time to rest? To think of ideas? You're pathetic.... WRITE WRITE WRITE! 

Who are you? Are you my boss? My muse? Or just a mental disorder? 

I am the you that wants you to succeed! I am what drives you. DO SOME WRITING NOW! 

NO YOU DO NOT INSPIRE ME YOU JUST PRESSURE ME AND SOMETIMES I NEED TO JUST DRINK A CAN OF COKE AND SAY "WHAT THE FUCK".

So you think I'm pointless? 

No, I just think you channel your messages in the wrong way. I need an inner support system, I need to be heard! I need my inner child to come alive! I need to be able to feel my way through ideas. I need to be able to have a thought without you ripping it apart to force ideas from it. 

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Comments from the Front Row - June 2012

A strong opinion on 'TUPAC SHAKUR's Lasting Legacy' 

ANONYMOUS: ""Was he a bad guy? Probably" It was a certainty!! Tupac was a criminal and a mediocre artist - in my opinion. I knew Tupac Shakur and I'm sure he would agree with me at least on how shitty of a person he was and he certainly couldn't argue the criminal aspects of his life. Still, having had known him doesn't change what he was for me. Tupac was a troubled young man with a forum to impress his views upon others and talk about the world as he saw it. He was not a forgiving person, nor did he ask for any forgiveness. A young man that knew enough about himself that he was able to see how he would die.

The problem is that no one ever comes to see the "beauty" or find the love they have for an artist till the artist is gone - as in the case of Houston, Jackson and Tupac. Before he died, I maintained this opinion about Pac and after he died, I saw no reason to change it.

The other issue I have is that people do not separate the artist from the person. Roman Polanski, brilliant filmmaker, shitty person. In Tupac's case, so-so artist, shitty person and criminal. In my opinion, Tupac failed to excel both as a person or an artist. Trust me, many artist quietly agree with me, but feel that saying so would besmirch his memory. I don't know why more people do not stand behind their opinions. It is what it is, so why not acknowledge it.

These are my opinions, and I do respect the opinions of others, so hopefully I won't get any ignorant hate responses.

By the way, I'm publishing as "anonymous" because I have only two options and the other didn't apply."

On Kristen Stewart being in my top 10 actresses list.

DAVE: " Man, I love this list. Kristen Stewart may be more your most daring inclusion, but I couldn't agree more."

AINHOA APARICIO MONFORTE: "I must say that I am a bit fed up with Stewart. Some of it has to do of course with the Pattinson-vampyre furore as well. I watched Twilight out of curiosity and against my best judgement by illegal means the week it came out. I found Pattinson's acting a disgrace and Stewart's job, mediocre at best (something like an overacted underacting) whereas the supporting cast was pretty good. However, I am ready to believe that she may be competent in other stuff. After all even misguided overacted underacting requires some skills. In addition, if Pattinson has succeeded to achieve something with Cronenberg (I am told. Not been able to check. I live in the coutryside.) I am ready to believe in Stewart's potential."

DAVE ENKOSKY: "Wow, very unconventional list. I'm glad you went with your gut rather than going with the obvious critical consensus favorites."

ANONYMOUS: " I enjoy all the actresses on your list, including Stewart. I don't understand the hate for her, but I am curious about the actresses who hate her, especially as many of the older actresses she's worked with, like Jodie Foster, Mellisa Leo, Catherine Keener, etc. seem to have championed her. "

Responses to my post on the BBC documentary 'Hitler's Children'.

KIRSTEN: "I recently read about these descendants and it was a truly touching story. It does make you wonder about all these horrific things that have been perpetrated by humans. We like to think of them as monsters but at the end of the day we have to realise and acknowledge that they were people just like us, and that's where the true lessons lie – how is it that ordinary people could support and even participate in such horrors? And how do people like Hitler come about? How much hate needs to be built up within one person to turn him/her into such a monster?

My family was touched by WW2 as well, but since we're from Southeast Asia it wasn't about the Germans and more about the Japanese. 

When they came to Singapore there was an effort to exterminate as many Chinese as they could. They told the Chinese to report to Changi Beach. Many of my grandfather's uncles, cousins, friends and neighbours went and never came back – it was later discovered that they had been lined up on the beach and shot. My grandfather's family escaped because they were warned by their Malay friends not to go, and because they spoke Malay they were able to disguise themselves and live among the Malays.

I always loved listening to my grandfather's experiences, and the way he has processed them. Sometimes he would speak of the cruelty and you can see the anger – at those times he would always refer to the Japanese occupiers as "those bastards". 

But other times he would talk about the officers who taught him Maths, marveling at their skill and the way they held their classes. He would tell me about how he used to play the violin at the soldier's camps in exchange for food for his village. He would play their old Japanese folk songs and they would cry because at the end of the day they were just men who wanted to go home. Although he was angry at them for the horrible things that they did, he was also able to recognise that not all of the Japanese were bad people, they were just people caught up in a horrible time. And I think that has helped him to move on in a way, instead of being caught up in resentment and hate.

I remember once he told me, "I will never forget, but I can forgive.""

BUFFALO CHUCK: "It's interesting to see Japan has taken a polar-opposite approach. Cover-up, deny, lie, avoid, don't teach, don't admit and don't allow anyone with expert knowledge do it either. 

Two choices made by two protagonists. I'd always tell the Germans to consider the Japanese option, and hold your heads high because the Germans made the better choice."

HELENA HALME: "I'm fascinated by this subject too, especially as we Finns first sidled with Germans in WW 2 because we were attacked by the Russians who were on the other side. Even so, Germans did some terrible things to Finns, and many older people won't still have any German tourists in their shops etc. in the countryside. When I was younger I had a German boyfriend who talked to me about his guilt - his grandfather had been in the war but not a Nazi. Still, he felt a real responsibility for what his country had done. 

Excellent post as always."

On my review of Tom Petty at the Royal Albert Hall. 

JASON EVERSON: "I just got back home. 20+ years I've been waiting to see Tom Petty. He was part of my reckless youth and, I'm happy to say, part of my reckless no longer youth. But, his songs, they were there - good times, break-up, cock ups. A lot of them are deeply entwined in my psyche. A lot of feelings came back in that gig tonight. Things I thought I'd forgotten leapt out like it was yesterday. Yeah. I even had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I admit it. Songs pin us to time. Tom Petty's songs enmesh us in it even deeper. I still feel overwhelmed. That was one of THE best performances of any artist and group that I've been to. Why it took 20+ years, I will never know. 

Aside from all that, the guy taught me to play guitar, and he doesn't even know it."

HAPPY FROG & I:  "First off I'm so glad you managed to get a ticket. When I read your previous post about Tom Petty I felt gutted for you. Your review is so full of the passion you feel for Tom's music and why you wanted to be at the gig that I read it twice. Thanks for brightening up my Thursday evening in rainy Reading."

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TOM PETTY live at the ROYAL ALBERT HALL - Wednesday 20th June 2012 - REVIEW

Something in the Air -11.40pm (after)

I'm on the train and looking for people who are like me, anyone who shared the same experience. I want to know if they got what I got, I need to know how it affected them.

To Find A Friend - 8.40pm (before)

I was waiting for Tom Petty to hit the stage. A guy was selling Haagan Dazs ice-cream right by the door and I couldn't resist. Problem was, I was now in my seat with Petty due on stage any second, with an inedible rock-solid-ice-cold ice cream. The plastic spoon wouldn't cut it. I wanted it eaten and gone before Petty and the Heartbreakers hit the stage.

I turned to the guy next to me. I said "That's one big drop." He understood. We're sitting in the circle section, our heads are pretty much on the roof. But we're the front row of the circle. If we lean forward, we fall into the stalls and our lives are probably over.

Me and the guy get talking. It's good to make friends; we're two loners at a rock concert. We start talking about our favourite records, about different Tom Petty thoughts. It's experiences like this when you realise you're not alone in life, you're a part of something. My new friend asks, "when did you get your ticket?"

The Waiting - Monday Morning 9am (two days before)

The two gigs at the Royal Albert Hall have been sold out for months. Petty never tours in the UK. But I just HAD to see him. 

I called the box office. I said I'd take any ticket, in any seat, for either the Monday or the Wednesday gig.

She said there was ONE TICKET, for Wednesday night only. Front row of the circle. I took it.

Something Good Coming - 10.30am (before)

My friend Charlotte is at mine, we have editing work to do, but all I can talk about is Tom Petty. I kept thinking in my head that she'd never understand, because how often do you meet a girl who understands Tom Petty? I made her listen to my favourite song, "It'll All Work Out". She loved it, and was open to more. I put on "Something Good Coming" and headed to the kitchen to make some tea. She stayed in the other room, taking in the song. There are few things better in life than getting a great girl into a great song. Unfortunately she's ten years too young and two hundred light years too pretty for me, but still; she loved the music!

Running Down A Dream - 11.30pm (after)

I couldn't find the tube station. I always get lost leaving the Royal Albert Hall. I decided to just RUN, I had so much energy! I was running to the sound of 'American Girl' in my head, with each lyric corresponding with a foot step----- oh-yeah-oh-right-take--it-easy-baby-make-it---last--all-night. I was like a kid, I was alive! I ran and ran and eventually found South Kensington Tube Station.

Something Good Coming/Learning To Fly - 10.30pm 

Best moment of my life right here. 'Something Good Coming' is one of my all time favourite songs. But I gotta be honest----

The couple to my right were driving me crazy. Talking throughout the gig and using their phones; and they were in their sixties! I thought my generation was the problem? I wish I had the guts of my new friend on my left, who turned to the guy next to him and told him to shut off his phone, and too right! Petty was diving in to 'You Wreck Me' and the dude was trying to load a WEBPAGE! 

But then I witnessed a miracle. 'Something Good Coming' grabbed the whole audience. It was quiet, soulful, heartbreaking. The quietest song of the night, and it worked! Everyone was mesmerised! You just couldn't escape its honesty. Even the couple on my right were caught up in it. The song quietly and vulnerably and hopefully says "there's something good coming, there has to be". You feel the desperation. You feel the hope mixed with world weariness mixed with sadness mixed with a sparkle of magic. This song just stopped everyone cold and gave them a wake up call, I've never seen anything like it.

Then came 'Learning To Fly'. Me and the new friend both let out these huge noises-- somewhere between relief, orgasm and just plain WOWNESS! This is one of those songs you just HAVE to hear when you see Tom Petty. 

'Learning To Fly' has mellowed over the years. Used to be a radio friendly rock song, now it's a beautiful vision of what life can be; it remembers the past and looks to the skies in the hopes of a better future. At the end, the crowd repeatedly sung the chorus as Petty improvised beautiful lines, "I'll fly over my worries, fly over my pain", and we were all FREED! The beauty of the moment was undeniable. Live music changes lives.

Gimme Some Lovin' - 10pm 

Petty introduced a guest. 

Steve Winwood.

He came on for two songs. The second was 'Gimme Some Lovin'" and it brought the house down. This was the present you don't expect which is hidden behind the tree. His voice SOARED! 

Free Fallin' - 9pm-11.15pm

Tom Petty is incredible. He has a quality and a magic that is undeniable. He's a master at what he does. He's in the league of Dylan and Springsteen but doesn't always get the recognition. The Heartbreakers didn't put a foot wrong all night. These are some of the best rock musicians in the world, who have, at one time or another, played with some of the biggest acts in music history. Tonight was special. I'd like to think it was for the band, too; you could see their joy when Winwood took to the stage, and when the crowd erupted after every song.

Tom Petty's music means more to me than pretty much anyone else going. There are so many disappointments in music --- but Petty remains, as he always has done, a true leader, an inspiration. He has more integrity than anyone in music -- and after a concert like tonight's, you realise what it means. He never whored out to the corporations. He never let the record labels dictate his art. Tonight was unreal; 'Listen To Her Heart', 'You Wreck Me', 'Free Fallin'', 'American Girl'; there's no end to the incredible music. I was listening to him on the way home, amazed by how many songs he'd left out, that's how good he is! With most musicians, there are two songs you're desperate to hear. With Petty and the Heartbreakers, there are sixty! 

The band played with so much awareness, and everyone was deeply in-the-moment. It was great to see Petty and the band taking the time to connect with ALL of the audience. They continually turned to face the people behind the stage, in the restricted seats; it was a way of saying "we know you're up there, and we're here playing for you!" And it was great when Petty introduced the band. The music stopped and he just chatted; told stories of who the band were and how they came together. He probably does this night after night, but still, it was fresh and sincere. 

Sincere. There's a word. Everything about Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers is sincere. 'Here Comes My Girl' - was there ever a better explanation of the far-out joy of saying to the universe "You know, I can tell the whole world, shove it", just because you'd rather spend the time with a great girl? And was there ever anything more defiant and strong than 'I Won't Back Down'? Tonight we got to be all the versions of ourselves. At times, I was in pure bliss. At other times, I was deeply locked into my feelings (good and bad), seeing life more clearly. And then there was 'Something Good Coming', which was transcendent. 

I guess you could say I liked it. 

"I know so well the look on your face
And there’s somethin’ lucky about this place

There’s somethin’ good comin’

Just over the hill

Somethin’ good comin’

I know it will"

-Tom Petty

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Interview with TV Writer GREG MALINS

GREG MALINS is a extremely gifted comedic writer whose credits include episodes of 'FRIENDS', 'WILL & GRACE', 'HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER' and most recently, '2 BROKE GIRLS'. Deadline.com recently announced that Greg has signed a two year deal with Sony Pictures TV, where his focus will be on developing new material.

You have been involved in some really iconic television shows. After the success of 'Friends' you'd think it's impossible to sustain -- but then came 'Will & Grace' and 'How I Met Your Mother' - do you ever feel the pressure of what's come before?

I did on 'Will & Grace'.  That show was already on for a while so there was a responsibility to not screw it up.  And add to that I loved the show and it was created by friends of mine who I didn't want to disappoint, yeah I felt some pressure.  they're still friends so hopefully I didn't fuck it up too badly.

On 'How I Met Your Mother', I didn't feel any.  Being on 'Friends' was like winning the lottery.  And after you win, its not like you feel any pressure the next time you buy a ticket.  It's just so rare.  I came on that show second season and it was already a great show.  As with all second seasons, its about deepening the characters and expanding the world and I was lucky and happy to be a part of that.  But then, the ratings started to rise and more and more people were talking about it, then a Emmy nomination.  That's when we really started to feel pressure.  But before that, it was just about making the best show we could, hoping people would watch and connect with it.  And oh yeah, the cast was and is amazing.

Everyone always asks me if I know who the Mother is.  I always say "I was on the show for four years.  Was even an exec producer for some of it, of course I know who the mother is."  I have no idea.  Craig and Carter never told me.

You have a 'story' credit on an episode of 'The Wonder Years' - how did you get involved in that show? 

I had a writing partner back then and we just went in and pitched story ideas to them.  They were famously hard to sell to.  But we went in and in our first meeting pitched "Kevin gets drunk for the first time at a wedding."  It was more detailed than that but they bought it.  It was so exciting.  We loved that show so much.  We wrote the outline but then got our first staff writing job, so we weren't able to write the teleplay.  That job was a show called "Great Scott."  Don't remember it?  An amazing cast for a cancelled show.  Toby Maguire and Kevin Connelly.  It's where they met.  They were great even then.   

Who are your biggest influences?

Has to be Marta Kaufman and David Crane.  They taught me how to write.  And produce and deal with actors and so much more.  Jimmy Burrows was great to watch as well.  You can learn a lot watching him direct.  And then much later, last year in fact, I learned a lot about writing and show running from Michael Patrick King.  He's pretty amazing to be in a room with.

What has been the most hurtful rejection of your career? 

There's nothing worse than spending a whole year writing, casting and producing a pilot that doesn't end up getting picked up.  And the one that hurt the most was passed on just a few weeks ago.  Still hurts.  Thanks for bringing it up.

What is your next project? 

Don't know yet.  I decided not to be on a writing staff this year, just focus on writing a pilot.  It's tough, I've been in a writers room for the last ten years.  I won't laugh as much this year but hopefully it'll be worth it in the end.  I know it's greedy but I wanna win the lottery again.  

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