Most of the time my thoughts are fractured, little snippets. Like animals fighting for attention. Somewhere in my brain is the judge, the guy who says "not worthy", "not original," or very occasionally, "fantastic!" The problem is, this inner Judge assumes an unearned jurisdiction in my brain. It's like that annoying FBI dude who turns up at the crime scene and tells Denzel Washington to go home.
Here's an example: I think I have it within me to write an all-time-great romantic comedy, but my judge says two things, one is, "but your writing sucks!" and the other is "Rom-Com? Pathetic! Do something more worthwhile!"
Amazing how we become victims of the fictional characters inside our heads. I think growing up is all about blocking your best routes to creativity. Maturity is opening them back up again.
"I think growing up is all about blocking your best routes to creativity. Maturity is opening them back up again."
I like that sentence. Totally unscientific, just a random rambly thought from me. Could be totally without basis, but who cares? It feels good to me. Isn't that what blogging is about anyway? Spewing out your thoughts and whoever has the most authoritative voice wins.
Just like inside my own brain. The strongest voice wins. That's why it's so hard to write, because so many of the ideas trickle through and don't have the strength to stand up for themselves. How are we meant to know a good idea? So many people think they have GENIUS ideas, but then you read the script or watch the movie and wonder what they've been smoking.
So many great moments in art happen by accident, like a reflex. The way an actor's voice creaks, the way a wall blocks the light, the way a last minute script revision improves everything. So often that ISN'T inspiration. It isn't really anything, it just is.
I think sometimes our worst ideas are the best. If I said to you, "write the cheesiest and dumbest action movie of all time", it's entirely possible you could create a masterpiece. Because there's real strength behind the things we resist.
We build up tastes. Ideals. Concepts of what good art is. Then we sit around for years wondering why it isn't clicking. It's because you've got to turn the thing back around. The things you DESPISE in art, what can they teach you? What are you blocking out from your writing, your art, your life? I guarantee, if you switch off that resistance, you'll find a huge stream of energy.
When I started writing this blog post, I didn't know what it would be about, I just wanted to start writing. But that was actually extremely hard for me, because I feel like I should only write when I have a big idea, when I can write something that shows a strong knowledge of film or an abundance of creativity. But why? Who set those rules? My blog is my place to freely ramble as I please, yet so many things inside of me stop me from fully expressing myself.
Part of that is quality control. If I just copy and pasted the word "filmfrumbles" five hundred times and then posted it, you'd think it was pathetic and would be less likely to come back. But a post like this? Maybe you'll find it interesting. Or maybe not. But then why does it matter? If I only write blogs that I think are 'safe' and likely to make you think I am full of filmic knowledge, then I am blocking a huge amount of myself.
You have to know your audience. But you also have to write the word filmfrumbles when you want to. It's just a blog. Just a script. Just a paintbrush. We limit ourselves in countless ways. Look at what you resist, think about what you ridicule, be aware of that which you disassociate from. Inside all of these things is a hidden power.
Filmfrumbles filmfrumbles #filmfrumbles
