Little Creative You

You spend your youth trying to get some place. You start a band, you write a novel, you shoot some movies. 

You're not entirely sure you know where you're going you just know you must record the demo, paint the picture, film the horror flick.

You do it on instinct, making magic in the middle of the night with your best friends and by best friends I mean those guys you met the previous week.

You're making mini-masterpieces that no-one will ever see but you make them because one day they'll lead you to Hollywood or Glastonbury or wherever that place is you know you need to get to.

And then your youth is gone and adulthood arrives. 

You're still searching, only you don't have the fire anymore. You're just a lost vehicle on a long road trying to find your way to somewhere. 

You have this vague idea in your head about a big tour or a three picture deal but even as the words come out of your mouth you realise you no longer know what you're looking for.

But you remember making magic in the middle of the night with your best friends and by best friends I mean those guys you met the previous week.

You told yourself that was the beginning, the thing you do to get to where you're going.

But at some point you realise, that's exactly what you're missing.

'Making it' isn't Hollywood. It's not being on the Joe Rogan podcast. It's being in a cold field at 3am recording bad sound for a horror film nobody is ever going to see. It's rehearsing the same song fifteen times in two hours with a guitarist you met the night before. 

To be creative you have to be creative. It's not magic, it's just a decision. It's a thing you do with people you meet. 

It's easy to lose that spark, as we drift into adulthood. It happens to all of us. But somewhere deep inside of you is this little creative you, some kid in the front row, and she's ready to join a new band. 

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What Was This Place?

I'm a little in awe of the me that used to write this site. I was posting almost daily. Full of ideas and, not to sound egotistical, but insights (sometimes). I had so much to say. And looking at the comments, so did all of you. We had a real debate going. We were in something together.

But as with so much of the internet, eventually it becomes an abandoned wasteland. Over a thousand blog posts and they hardly ever get read. How many of the readers forgot this existed? How many of the comments that fascinated me have dropped from my mind?

Everything is impermanent, including this blog. I mean, it still exists here as a relic, but what does it all mean?

Years ago, I had great aspirations for it. I wanted to be a real voice when it came to talking about creativity and independent film. I went out of my way to interview some great people.

Then I don't know what happened. I lost my passion for it, I guess. Hard to say that because so much of what I wrote about here was how to find and nurture your passion. But if you were to follow all my advice maybe you'd have ended up just as burned out as me, which is good for no-one.

Another aspect is that this blog dried up around the time my professional life stepped up a gear. I just don't have the time to write here in the way I used to. My plan was just to step back when the inspiration came. It just never really did. And when a thought did come up, it wasn't exciting enough to write.

I don't know where everyone went. These types of personal blogs died years ago - a few top names survived but generally the total mindfuck of social media and hyper-prolific gossip blogs trashed people's attention spans. Sure, you might like to read a blog like this, but you're unlikely to even be able to find it. Especially as the lifeblood of blogging was the community -- we'd read each other's blogs, comment, and share. But after Twitter, it became a crapshoot. Sure I may have over a thousand followers but if I share your post or mine, maybe two people will follow the link. Twitter promises much but often delivers little.

The audience went and so did my creativity. I look back on all this fondly, and am nostalgic for the day I was a little more naive and yes, a little more freely creative. I'd just open up the page and words would come out.

If any of you find this post, I hope you're doing well - in your creativity but most importantly, in your life.

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Where You Are

Outside of expectation, of notions of what matters - away from the idea of who you think you should be and what that person should say -- somewhere there is where you reside and that's where you're playful fanciful crazy alive anything goes you. 

Like a mixture of sad songs that only you know, a pick n' mix of feelings you didn't know you had and places you didn't know you wanted to see. You exist as a blank canvas, and the world can paint you any way it wants and vice versa. 

Let go of what could should might maybe be and you're left with what is. And what is has never been the is before, so who cares how you paint it. It's brand new and it's you. 

You're that live gig no-one recorded, you just had to be there. You're that in-joke between friends. You're the play performed in front on nine people. You're the mix tape that only one person heard. You're the short story some kid wrote and stashed in the draw. You're anything and anything and anything and if you forget, for a second, the idea of being judged, reviewed or approved, then what would come out of you? If the likes and comments didn't matter, you'd go back to being the you you started out being, where all that mattered were the things that mattered. 

What matters isn't the reviews. What you think of what I'm writing isn't what's important, what's important is that I wrote it.

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Embrace The New Entertainment Landscape or Die

I grew up wanting to write and direct films. I'd hide away in my bedroom night after night watching every film I could find. Hollywood films, European films, anything and everything. I found what I loved and I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and it's informed everything I've done since.

But if that sounds like an inspiring sentence, it isn't, because I did the wrong thing. I fell in love with a concept; with the two hour movie being king.

But it's nearly 2015. People like YouTube. They like interactivity. They like games. They like multi-tasking. They like short bursts of six second Vines and they like thirteen hour Netflix seasons.

It's not that nobody likes movies anymore, it's just that they don't shape or inform our society like they used to. The marketers pretend that 'Gone Girl' is a cultural phenomenon, but it doesn't even make a dent.

The generation that came before me gets to continue making movies. Spielberg doesn't need to change. Tom Hanks can keep being Tom Hanks.

"You got here just in time for the death rattle, last gasp, last grope."

-Lester Bangs in 'Almost Famous' 

And the teenagers coming up now, they have an instinct me and my peers just don't have. They're plugged right into the social media paradigm and they have millions of subscribers. They know what they're doing.

And the ones in the middle only make it when they admit to themselves that the game has changed! There's new rules now. You can't be static. You can't just make a lump of a project and expect eyes to land on it.

But technology is only half the battle.

"You're coming along at a very dangerous time for rock n' roll. The war is over, they won."

-Lester Bangs in 'Almost Famous'. 

Hollywood became an industry that champions the dollar. Sure, it was always a business, but somehow art still crept through. But now you find that even an upcoming independent director in LA is more than likely to want to make a film by committee, to give 'notes' and to try to develop something 'marketable'.

And when everyone is chasing marketable, art dies.

Reminds me of a blog I wrote about Ben Stiller's 'The Watch' back in 2012. It was called 'Most Movies Are Made Just To Give People Something To Do'.

And this is what Hollywood does. Makes broadly generic films to appeal to pre-determined demographics. If Star A guarantees pre-sales in India and Star B guarantees huge press in China, then Star A and Star B get cast. And if the entire continent of Europe keeps going to see action movies, then that same action movie will keep getting made, and it'll star A and B.

The best writers bled to TV. And the next Spielberg is probably making Christmas adverts for Honda and McDonalds because that's where the work is.

And for those who stood their ground and stayed with the two hour movies, they're beginning to wake up and realise, there's no-one here. The audiences upped and left and so did most of the creative talent. There is more innovation in some kid from Detroit's 6 second Vine than there is on our movie screens.

My domain was always feature films. But in recent years, I've felt my passion dwindling. Not my passion to create, it's always been there and I hope always will be. But instead of looking around and embracing the great opportunities that technology bring, I've been clinging on to that me that hid away as a kid, watching movie after movie in my room.

Well that kid needs to go outside and learn how to Vine, otherwise I'll be forever left behind.

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Palisades Park on a Sunday Morning in July

"Lovely sometimes changes us, sometimes not."

What is the definition of a movie? What is a music video? In fact, what is a song? For years we've been force fed art in a particular way. A movie in a bloated two and a half hours in an over-expensive cinema, and a song in a committee-written, scientifically-proven concoction ready-made for the charts.

But the internet has blown things wide open. Nobody even knows how to distribute and promote anymore. And sure, you can push a track on me through advertising, but it just doesn't get through to me in the same way. 

I found this new video by accident, only five days after the band published it. 

Here's what happened. Neil Young had just played a gig in London. I turned down a ticket to do something else instead, but checked the setlists to see what I'd missed. Then I looked at some of his other tour dates, just to see what he'd played. Then I took a look at what Pearl Jam had been up to during their recent concerts.

And then I checked in on my favourite band, Counting Crows. They're touring and they're playing all these tracks I'd never heard of. So naturally I wanted to hear them. The new album comes out in September but I just can't WAIT!

So I looked up the song 'Palisades Park' and this video come up. An official release. The music video for 'Palisades Park' and it's nearly 10 minutes long.

And this might just be the most beautiful movie I've seen in some time. Or music video. Whatever you call it. I don't know. I don't really care. It's a story, that's what matters.

But just listen to that opening trumpet - it makes you dream. And then you see the guys sprinting through the streets, running from police and having the time of their lives and it reminds you of every great thing you ever did.

I'm always attracted to nostalgia. What is it about amusement parks that connects to your soul somehow? Something about rollercoasters and rides that I just connect with. This video has shades of Adventureland, which makes me love it even more.

Bill Fishman wrote and directed the video. how much input did the band have? I've no idea. Fascinating though. The song tells its own story, Adam Duritz's songwriting and voice are both always so evocative. And the sounds of the band are so deep and layered it's unlike virtually anyone in music, as creative and heartbreaking as the E Street Band.

Does the video tell the same story as the song, or is it just an interpretation? Who knows. Will the video mean the same to you as it does to me? Probably not, because I don't even know what it means to me.

It's easy to bemoan the changing of films and distribution, or to bitch about the death of great music. But real art is out there. Like Richard Linklater secretly making a movie over 12 years about a boy growing up -- who saw that one coming? Counting Crows and Bill Fishman have delivered a piece of art which, at the time of writing has close to 300,000 views. That's nothing in the modern day of mad viral hits - but for a piece of non-attention grabbing, thoughtful-art, it's a hit to me and it'll be a hit for you. Put ten minutes aside and enjoy a beautiful song-film-musicvideo-thing.

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